MLC Interruptus?

[angelica]

Snodderly - I was a little bemused by the lengths h was prepared to go to in order to have the photos. Mine wanted the lot, and there are a lot of me + the kids!!!

He is showing signs of movement: actually I see wanting the photos as quite positive. He was also agitated that a book he wanted that eldest son had given him 3 and a half years ago, and which he had never read, was not there. Son had taken it back thinking his dad didn't want it. Phone calls at all hours to son, agreement to ship book . . . . It isn't out of print!!! Now what was that all about.

No I am not obsessing about it. There are lots of odd things going on, and real signs that he wants to re-establish relationships with a whole range of people that he has largely ignored for nearly two years. He is also dressing like himself again, and has a really good haircut. Not the overlong horror he was sporting, which he thought suited him.

I see flashes of anger the moment he can't have his own way. But also some kindness - he sent me a rare book when I told him he could keep my copy. Ohhh they are so strange. and yes, so lost to themselves.

[Apolgies for thread jack here]

[In4Ride2]

I also think wanting the photos is a positive, but who knows the MLC mind. You're safer not reading anything into it.

Got a little weepy last night when I was trying to sleep, but then woke up this morning in the mood that I'm done. I obviously am unable to see thru the 'mask' so I will never know if he's really back even if he ever does come back.

Snodderly, I did get a good laugh thinking about him asking permission to run away. I think that's what I'll tell anyone who happens to ask about him. "H ran away from home".

I don't know how I did it last time. At least it is easier and less stressful that he's out of the house. But I realize for those trying to actively db it's very difficult. Even though the mental and physical toll was enormous, the dbing worked when he was here.

Regarding pictures, I put all our pictures back in the box again the 2nd night. Funny, I had just taken them out a couple of months ago.

So my PMA is a little low today, but I'll keep going. As before, I'll just do whatever to get thru the day - go get a bagel, sit in the Border's cafe, get my nails done, and maybe get some plants for pots on the front steps.

I finished re-reading DR last night, but I'm afraid I don't see much point. Even having gone thru it before for almost a year, the time it takes is too discouraging. But since I have to wait at least a year to do anything about the M anyway, it's six of one or half dozen of the other.

I do feel that I'm making progress working on myself and handling work stress better. I did keep my cell phone off all day yesterday so that they could not call me from work. This was a major stressor for our M, because I am always called about stupid problems and become very angry, screwing up my personal time. Somehow I let this slide to become a problem again. My bad!

Not only is my H passive aggressive - I work with almost all men, several of them also very passive aggresive - it's sometimes like having about 10 H's.

I've decided to rename the Dick as "Dick the Pretender". He could have been king of his castle, but now he's just the hunchback in the cellar (and yes our apt is a basement apt).

Catch you later

[a new 2moro]

I4R2 my H had a QLC at 30, that didnt get finished and i dont think he ever went through the whole thing. several attempts with OW's and one PA with a totally unsuitable OW, he was a cop she a cocaine dealer and 19.

his parents threatened to yank inheritance and then his mom died of pancreatic cancer. so fast forward to now...his dad dies 2001...he looses family business 2003....and yes those were the triggers. affair 2005 -2007....about 18 months. real replay...real hard replay. another unsuitable OW....25 yrs younger....looking for a sugar daddy.

depression slowly gets him out of replay and he comes home in July.

[angelica]

I think you will have some bad days, and I would hold off making any decisions for a bit. You are still shocked. I think it is easier with them out of the house. I didn't initially, but now I think they stand a better chance of fixing themselves, and we certainly can GAL more effectively withouth their brooding presence. MLCer seem like Heathcliff in spades if you know what I mean. Cathy was so right not to marry him.


Re my photos - yes who knows with MLCer? It is just part of a changing set of attitudes towards his old life. I am not holding my breath on this one.

[job]

I,
The only thing you can do is take care of yourself. I know it's extremely difficult not to think about them and why they walked, but at the end of the day, the answers are still out of reach. We can surmise all we want, but until they work through their issues and want to talk to us, we are on our own.

Take care of yourself and find ways to keep yourself busy. You'll know when it's over and you are ready to file.

[In4Ride2]

Thanks guys,

I did go out and do all the things I planned but felt like crap the whole time, and almost started crying in public. Well, now that I have a few groceries, I'm going to stay in and accept that it's just one of those days.

I guess H has not told anyone because I see FIL called from caller ID. Our phone calls roll over to H's cell if I don't answer, but they get our voicemail if he doesn't answer. There's no message so who knows. I just check caller ID and let everything roll over to H's phone unless I know who it is. Let him get all the marketing calls.

I did the same stupid thing I did 4 years ago. I looked at the books at the bookstore and then got all depressed and discouraged because all of them focus on getting through the divorce instead of reconciliation. So I guess deep down I have that irrational hope that we will come back together. I feel like a fool for not just giving up.

[job]

I,
You are going to have some good days and then some downers. It's only natural, but in time, you'll start feeling better more often than not.

There's nothing wrong w/looking at the books. I still do it, even after all of this time. I'm always curious to see what they've written and if it's something that I can relate to today. There is nothing wrong w/hoping that things will turn around. Hope is what will help you through your downers and faith will make you stronger. You are not a fool. You have learned a lot in the time that you've been away and when your emotional balance has returned, you'll know what you need to do.

Be kind to yourself.

[angelica]

You do what you want, when you want to do it. You are not a fool. You have invested a lot in this r and this man. Doesn't mean that you have to go investing, but it doesn't make you a fool.

Hopefloats thread is illuminating, and you might find it helpful.

Now is horrible, but you know that you will get to a better place.

Angelica

[In4Ride2]

2moro,

Even having experienced it before myself, I don't know how you did it. I'm so glad for you. Please feel free to give me any advice or knocks. Maybe you can remind me what works and what didn't.

Yes H has had many triggers - the accident/operations/recovery, forced retirement, uncertainty over his future, friend just found out he has cancer, my mom dying (although I'm not sure that was a trigger for him), and now having to start some care-giving for his parents.

I'm working towards being at that place where I can feel friendship toward him again. I do understand why he left. But I'm not there yet because I feel that these plus work stress and menopause were triggers for me, and just when I'm hitting my rough patch, he abandons me because it got a little difficult. It's not as if I didn't fantasize about running away.

[In4Ride2]

Thanks again guys,

I think I'm discouraged today because most of the time since he left last Mon I've handled it pretty well, and then today I just couldn't. I guess I've also been in denial. And in denial about just what I already know I'm going to be dealing for who knows how long.

I've exhausted myself thinking about the whole sit. Time to call it a day and get some rest.