I have not heard from my H since the separation and he won't answer emails or voicemails (and I have not begged, pleaded, blamed). These contacts were to apologize for my failings and part in the separation and also about finances.
Ah yes. Take it from someone who's already been there/done that. No text msgs, e-mails, or voicemails, unless it's REALLY important! My H stopped answering his mobile phone and also stopped listening to my voicemails months before we separated. Now he only picks up if my daughter calls. I'm sure that one of these days he'll stop picking up her calls, too.
Of course, he's racked up hundreds of dollars worth of text messages, minutes, and voicemails on his mobile phone with OW! I would love for H to grab a calculator and add up how much money he's wasted on his relationship w/OW -- he'd be shocked. He puts the blame on me for our financial problems, though, because I haven't been able to work much w/my disability.
I made the mistake of admitting responsibility for some of our problems (a Gary Chapman suggestion which made everything worse), but all it did was give him ammo against me later.
I read Chapman's Hope for the Separated, too, and I followed his advice. Unfortunately, most of his suggestions seemed to make everything worse. I know a lot of people here think the book's great, but it really backfired on me.
Although I guess I'm still in the early stages (one month and counting) of my separation, I've found the greatest advice from Divorce Remedy. I'm also reading Joel and Kathy Davisson's *The Man of Her Dreams/The Woman of His* (www.godsavemymarriage.com -- excellent!) and James Dobson's *Love Must be Tough.*
We gotta be tough, even though it goes against our nature. The only time I fight w/my H is when I try to *fix* our marriage by reasoning with him. We get along great otherwise, believe it or not.
