Or, he can stay right here at SSM where several of us ( unfortunately) have been working through the feelings of betrayal.
Choc, I can tell you that you will be going through lots of different emotions in the next few months, as will your W. It's all a test, which is a good thing. I firmly believe that if two people decide they want the relationship to work, it will. My H carries the ball on my weak days, and vice versa.
Resentment about the A does creep into my psyche, but I don't let it settle there. The way I see it, I have wasted too many years on a miserable marriage. I am ready to put that in the past. The other thought I keep in mind is something Corri mentioned on Hairdog's thread, that my behavior in the past has not been stellar, and who am I to judge my H so harshly? ( I'll have to find exactly what she said...I remember really nodding along).
If you read up on MLC, you'll see that it takes time for the MLC fog to totally clear, and your W may not be fully on board with the reconciliation stuff as works through the confusion. So give her a little time too.
We're at a point now that my H makes it clear to me on no uncertain terms that he wants the marriage to work. He is kind and loving. The sex is not even an issue.
I think our marriage will forever be different, but I would never go back to the old ways. And in any new relationship I would carry this baggage. It's been so worth it to me to give him another chance,to learn and grow from this, and I love the payoffs it's having in terms of the kids feeling more settled. I didn't realize how much the tension had been affecting them.
I think you have done such good work. However it all plays out, you have gotten the prize: renewed self confidence and esteem. I'd add you to the list of men I'd want my H to talk to if he gets conflicted again.
