Yes, there are different answers and that is ok. One things I see is that her H opened the door for talking. He asked the questions. We don;t initiate relationship talks, but we can have them when asked. The other thing is that CMNM says she is tired of living like this. Each situation is different.
In this situation, one thing we all agree on is the need for boundaries. The reason for the boundaries here is that CMNM gets sucked into her H's confusion. The boundaries are for CMNM. Also, CMNM wants to change the dance, so according to the DB principles put forth in the book, she has to do something different.
CMNM says she is tired of living like this. Each situation is different. And depending on CMNM's desires, there are different avenues available. The key is to get to the right solution for her.
