Now I've done it

[nephartiti]

I just looked in the mirror and realized that I look pretty darn good. I've lost almost 20 pounds since this all started (mostly because, in the beginning, I was so stressed/depressed I couldn't eat). My skin looks better than ever.

The party I went to yesterday was so rejuvenating. There were lots of families, which was a little weird for me, but there were so many kids that my kids were in heaven. I felt joy in my heart. I feel like my H is missing out. I sometimes feel guilty for feeling happy and content.

I jogged out to my car to get a diaper. It felt so good, I jogged past my car to the end of the street. It still felt good, so I turned and jogged back down to the other end of the street. I eventually stopped, but, the point is, I feel life coursing through my veins. I am by no means happy about my situation, but I am still alive! I don't have to be this pitiful empty shell of a woman because my H is no longer here!

I know this is obvious, but it has finally sunk in. He rejected, abused, and abandoned me with our small children. He has committed the ultimate betrayal with OW, and has continued to lie and be deceitful. I did falter, but I am still standing. Life will go on, and I will be whole. I will put one foot in front of the other, and I will walk my kids through life's moments to the best of my ability.

I will thank God everyday for giving me the opportunity to perservere. I will thank Him for my friends and family who have stood by me in support during this time. I will thank Him for the stranger who helps me with my groceries or gives me a smile without even knowing who I am or what I am going through. I will thank Him for all of you. May God bless every one of you and your families.