PS - I am so sorry that you are distressed. I don't know what you found. I suspect that you are frustrated by the fact that your husband is uncommitted to the relationship, and seems 'stuck'. He sounds terribly depressed and, and frankly not through whatever crisis he is having. I think he left before? Sometimes I wonder if some of them don't heal better if they leave, and sort themselves out. My C told me that they shouldn't come home as 'wounded chldren' but as men, and to do this they have to work things through.
Like my h, yours sounds resistant to therapy, and if he is fighting it, it may not be doing any good. I don't know about that - just a hunch.
Are you having any therapy or counselling support yourself? Do take care,
