W phones me last night ( very rare ). Wanted to tell me D was upset because I had told her off about something , went on to say that D will come and live with her . I said I wont stop her. W crying by now went on to tell me how she hates living where she is , how she thought it would be different. She cant come home because it would be for the wrong reasons and then went on to tell me that I should move out so she could come home . I said virtualy nothing just , " That must be hard " and other small validating statements , I stayed silent on her last point however.
So she was unhappy at home so decided to move out because that would mean she can be happy ( and she was happy moving into her apartment) , now surprise surprise she is not happy still , so I guess the next move will be to find a better place and have D move in with her because she is sure that would make her happy.
Somehow I doubt it , She has not figured out that her unhappyness is comming from within.
Dave, songs like a "not so fun" conversation that was handled well. Great job. What do we have to do, hire a sky writer to get the message across that happiness comes from within. You sound good, and your trial the other day was a good one. Nice to note it goes in the not to do list.
If our sitch's get any more alike, I'm going to start thinking something really, really weird is going on It happens over here, & I read about it over there.
Nice to know that we respond & handle it in much the same way, unless we're both not getting it
Does this happen eventually ya think?
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She has not figured out that her unhappyness is coming from within.
If there is one message I would give to anyone reading this is to let go of your fear and just do whats right and whats going to help obtain your goal no matter what that goal is.
Thanks for this, CK. It's a huge struggle for me, at the moment, and this helps.
Originally Posted By: C_K
I honestly do not think that I could have fully embraced this way of thinking unless we separated and as It was said by GD I think this could have been a great gift from my W.
That's so hard to grasp, but I think you're right. I'm so afraid that when I tell H it's not okay with me that he live with us and look for another R, he'll leave. Of course he's already gone from me, so if it does happen, I hope to get my head around this, too.
It sounds like your S has helped, both you and your R. I think you handled your W's complaints about her living situation really well, and the party sounds lovely. Hope you're doing great.
I have no idea what I am doing most of the time , I just try to keep the main things in my head as these things just come out of the blue.
Puddle
As hard as it will be try not to let fear guide you , your purpose in life is what needs to guide you .
Back to my life
D phones W tonite as always before bed , usualy W does not talk to me . D hands me phone and tells me W wants to talk , I think oh no not again , but she rambles on about her work and what my plans are for later in the week , asks me about my day etc, a lot about nothing realy so I think she was just checking on me following our conversation yesterday.
So it was not so bad .
So now I am spinning some Van Morrison and relaxing with a nice local wine, not worrying about anything Moments of calm and contentment are great .
Dave, You're the man! I love that you did not respond to her rant about you moving out. It shows that you have learned that "her complaint is content free" (from Deida). This means that she was really just expressing her frustration to you and you let her do that, but did not waiver from your path. Absolutely critical to do this.
As for your evening, I wish I could join you. I nice NZ wine out on the deck with some cool tunes in the background. I went to school in No. California and we used to spend way too much time in this mode, just with a California Cab or Zinfindel. The way I imagine your neck of the woods, it must be very similar, just with better Rugby! (can you hear my jealousy).
Take Care, SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Glad you are keeping cool. Just want to say that your posts have been and still are an inspiration to me. I was a little bit envious of your separation......I should be careful what I wish for......after February's bomb, W finally left yesterday.
Similar to you, I believe my sitch got to the stage where a separation had to happen if we are going to go anywhere further. I feel calm and relatively happy. By letting her go, I know there'll be more chance of her coming back.
However.....I think you are far more deserving than me at the moment. Keep up the good work.
Me 44 W 39 M 10yrs (together 13 years) one D 8 ILYBINILWY Feb 2007 Separated - 5th September 07
Will get there in the end. Will get there in the end 2.
I have no idea what I am doing most of the time , I just try to keep the main things in my head as these things just come out of the blue.
Yes, they seem to come out of the blue, that is why it's so great to see you process through it with a delicate touch.
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So now I am spinning some Van Morrison and relaxing with a nice local wine, not worrying about anything Moments of calm and contentment are great
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Now that is the way to handle it, Van Morrison leading the way. You have this going in your direction Dave, & the largest to pass over is to "not let the fear guide you", only the purpose.
