Our H's could be the same person....and you and I as well. When I first discovered the infidelity, I spent a lot of time making lists of the things I expected H to change if he wanted to keep it together.
Over time, I have realized that my H is who he is. He has shown me his love and commitment in the same ways your H is trying to: spending time with me, helping with the kids and the house. I've tried and tried to drag out of him the reassurances and promises I think I need to hear...it always backfires in my face. I think it's because when it comes down to it, we're both unique individuals with different perspectives. No amount of demanding from me is going to change who he fundamentally is deep down inside.
I knew he wasn't perfect when we married. Knew it well, and I also chose to proceed and procreate. After all this, I know that without him I'll be okay, but if there's any chance at all to keep it together, it's a chance I have to take. It's worth it for me and my children.
My family has been unbelieveably supportive. I'm really grateful for that. They have not tried to sway my decision either way, but I am aware that they have worried about me suffering from something akin to "battered wife syndrome" when it comes to giving him more chances in regards to continued (limited, I believe) contact with OW. I know it's been hard for them to watch me go through this. But I and they know that it's MY choice to make, and for now, I know I'm doing the right thing. I'm sorry your family is taking a stand against your choice. But it is YOUR choice. You are the only one who can make it.
I tried setting my deal-breaker boundaries. To date, I don't believe they have been met entirely. But I do see progress and effort that shows committment. And that is hard for me to throw out. I still worry, I still fear...but I have so many positives, and you do to.
You both have to heal and change in your own ways. Neither of you have all the answers. I know it's hard and scary, especially when you feel like you're standing alone. Hang in there, see what happens at your Retro weekend, and take care.
