Lil: No one can change anyone else's behavior. If anyone on this bb has proved that, hairdog has.
Cobra: Sorry, but I don't see how HD has proven that at all. No offense HD. I also don't believe your supposition that you cannot change other people.
Of course, ditto what Mrs. NOP said (speaking from HER OWN personal experience.... cobra, you seem to think you know what happened in the NOP's R better than they do!).
That notwithstanding, you CANNOT change anyone else's behavior. You can apply pressure, you can threaten, you can ask, you can beg, you can manipulate-- you can use any tactics, methods, strategies, mental, emotional, or physical... but the other person has to DECIDE to change and then act. OR they can choose to do what they want anyway.
Mrs. choc is a good example. Are you saying that choc "changed" her? He did what he did and she made the choice and she seems to be changing. Choc did not change her. She changed herself.
Mojo's H did not change. Mojo left-- she applied the same pressure as choc-- but Mr. Mojo went his own way.
Even if you put a gun to my head, I can still choose to defy you and let you shoot me. No one can make anyone else do anything.
Some people will respond to asking, pressure, threats, or whatever, especially if you dig down and find a soft (or hot) spot. But some people simply will not.
What you're saying is similar to the idea that "everyone has their price." The assumption is that if the reward is high enough, monetary or otherwise, any person will do anything for the right/high enough reward. I don't believe that. Not everyone can be bought, and not everyone can be pressured into changing.
The ones who DO change are doing so because they see some reason to or some value in it (or to avoid something negative), but they have to do the changing themselves. The other person cannot do it for them.
We've gone round and round on this many times, and you're just off base on this one.
