Yes, it is sad. If you kept up with Hope's thread he told her many times he couldn't leave OW because he didn't want to hurt her. Hello??? What about the pain they cause their spouse of many years?
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
PW, aren't you afraid that you'll catch and STD? according to "not just friends" 60% and plus of cheating Hs dont' use protection. Have you thought of that?
I did a 180 for the past year and was always available and always wanted to ML with him. It did't matter, his unhappiness and void put him in a position such as that when op contact him he started the PA again, didn't matter that i wanted him at home.
It's prob just hurting you while he is having a blast. You need to make your own desicions, but if i were you I wouldn't touch him w/a 10 ft pole.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I have to agree with Cades and say no s*x til he decides it is over and he is committed to you...I have a hard time ML with my H sometimes and he has broken it off with OW completely and wants to work on our R. I still have moments that I feel betrayed and hurt when we ML because I think it is only sex to him, since he was able to do that with the OW. He wooed her and convinced her he had feelings for her and wanted to be with her....why should I let him have it all...what about me??? You and I both deserve to have a H that is committed to us and only to us. You do not need to beat yourself up over what has already happened, but do not let him use words to convince you to have s*x make him show you he truly does love and miss you...then move on to the ML. You have to be the one to ultimatly decide what you need or want to do...this is just my point of view.
M 35 H 44 D 21,D 18,D 17, D 15, D 13, D 11, D 10, S 9 BOMB DROPPED 7/16/07 STILL TOGETHER, TRYING TO WORK IT OUT H ENDED A WITH Ow 7/15/07
The biggest indicator of successful R after infidelity is the WS sympathy to the LBS temporary insanity from the sitch. Marriage Builders.
Please explain what you mean by this. Does this mean there's hope for my marriage? My H expresses guilt about the A, but rationalizes (in his mind, that is) it at the same time.
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An affair needs to die a natural death. No contact is ideal but look how hard it is for us to Go Dark completely.
Affairs last an average of six months (they were work friends for years first, though). Okay, so if I can keep my big mouth shut and not mention the R (I blew it again tonight -- more on this in another post), so I'm going to just say six months from today it will be March 8, 2008. Seems like forever.
When you've got kids, it's nearly impossible to go dark completely. I tried it recently, and my son suffered the most.
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Ironically, a six month affair is as hard to give up as a10 year marriage. Not fair.
Sickening, isn't it, how someone can throw away a long-term marriage for instant gratification. People in A are completely oblivious to all the long-term damage they're causing.
Please tell me more about this Hope thread. I need all the hope I can get!
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he told her many times he couldn't leave OW because he didn't want to hurt her. Hello??? What about the pain they cause their spouse of many years?
That's exactly the kind of garbage my H said tonight! He said he couldn't leave OW because he'd made a commitment to get her and her kids into this house. He said he has a responsibility to them -- he couldn't just say, *Okay, now you have to leave.*
Yeah, you can, H! It's kind of like telling your wife you've been with for 14 years *I love you but I'm not in love with you,* or how about *It's not you, it's me,* or *We just weren't meant to be!* It's actually very easy to hurt people you care about -- you should be pretty good at it by now.
If you can accidently get a lipstick stain on his shirt collar, OW might notice it.
Haven't thought of that, although I was a little tempted to *accidentally* send text message to her cell phone, thanking H for a night of amazing s*x. ;-)
Nah, I'm not going to risk play games that just might bring them closer. The ML was enough of a dignity drop.
My H just this week (when I asked if he was still talking to OW) used the same excuse "I am the reason her marriage is a mess now, I feel bad, she is really hurting". Oh and I am walking through a field of wild flowers!? The guilt of hurting someone is very misplaced.
Game playing is soooo tempting, but yep, it might drive him farther away.
WAS claim to be so concerned about their OP that they will destroy their own marriages and kids. What makes it even sadder is the fact that by *helping* the OP, they're making things worse for them in the long run.
Your H is being there for this woman because her marriage is a mess, but cheating on her H isn't *helping* her situation one bit!
As for my H, the OW has a terrible X that she's trying to escape, so what does he do? He helps her move into a place up here with her, 150 miles away from her X.
H and OW (former co-worker *friend*) have had a long-distance A for the past few months, and I'm sure they think that living together is the solution. The PA didn't start until after she moved 150 miles away, and he helped her move down there. What a good samaritan, eh?
Is your H one of those Knight in Shining Armor types, too?
So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” - Matthew 19:6
Yes, he always tries to help people. I did point out to H after he justified still calling her/her calling him "You are worried about her hurting, well, don't you realize that continuing contact is hurting her husband and myself? That calling actually is hurting her chances to make her marriage work?" He doesn't see it, he just doesn't. They are friends, he says.
It hurts so much, its almost unreal. So sorry you are hurting too.
