Well, when he did finally go ahead and file he said/did two things that really struck me oddly:
1. He didn't tell me that he was filing, and when I asked why he didn't say anything he said, "I was afraid that you would talk me out of it."
2. I wrote him a letter and asked him to give us one last chance before doing this. He had stated earlier that very week that he had wished that we had gone to counseling. (We did start, but after just a couple of sessions the C told me that I was "way ahead" of where he was, and she would like to see him alone. He ended up quitting, and so that was the end of the counseling.) Anyway, it took him over a week to reply, and when he did he said he was tired of hurting and he thought that D would be best for us. He told me later that it took him so long to write back because he really had to think it over.
This is the game/dance of my H and I: If I look him in the eye and say, "do you want this D or not?" he will most likely say that he does. Then, I will shut down and detach my a$$ off. He will not like that, and he will begin to come around and start telling me how beautiful I am, how smart I am, etc. I hate that dance. I want to learn a new one.
I hate that I am analyzing any of this. I thought I was past that. It is just such a shame to me that we are doing what we are doing. I sincerely believe that neither of us wants to be divorced.
Oh, and about the money thing... you're right. I needed to hear that.
