>>She continued, saying something about she was never unfaithful to me while we were married <Huh?! WTH?!!!>. She said that I was the one who broke our vows first when I failed to "love, honor and cherish" her early on. She went further to say that I had broken my vows over the last 16 years. She said she never did anything unfaithful until I killed the marriage, implying what she's been up to was not adulterous since, in her mind, the marriage was already over by then!<<

Blues,

You know the rationalization for guilt is normal. Just ignore it, and say, "I understand what you're saying" (in other words, I understand you're crazy and trying to warp things to fit whatever reality you're trying to create). Don't challenge it with logic. That's a waste of breath. Just listen or agree...

Expect a double standard, expect blame, expect her to try and make you angry. It's all very normal. You have to detach and let it go. Even see the humor in her manipulation. Let it be on her back.

And when she blows up, just be calm and even apologetic about any errors or "misunderstandings." I did that a lot and it was amazing how once I did that regularly my H slowly started calming down... over time... It's like someone puffing up for a fight and the other person just refusing to go there. After awhile she will start realizing she is overreacting. She may not admit it, and it may take time in her crazy state of mind, but chances are she'll eventually get there.

I think overall you are doing very well. Enjoy your kids and start enjoying your time. ..... and expect huge ups and low, low downs on this rollercoaster ride.

As far as contacting OP or OP's spouse, most people try to avoid that. I personally am one of the few who can't hold it in and have to confront. That's just my nature. If you do decide to go that way it's important to do it unemotionally, informationally and you have to be willing to accept whatever wrath or backlash may come your way. If OM and his W are separated something like this may doom their chances for reconciliation.

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.