Yes, I agree. But, we females do the "dance" when we "want" to have sex. I am saying that when a woman has a low sexual drive...she's not going to start the dance! The man has to help her by talking her love language or do something she likes to help her low drive get heated up. It does take both partners to make it work in any relationship, but remember we are talking about a HD man vs LD female. As I have told others, there is more than one reason a woman can have LD......and since I'm not a worldly experienced woman, I can't speak from experince myself other than to say that if the H doesn't do anything to "help" her either in the physical love making technique itself....or talking her "love language" she needs to get into the mood.....I just don't see how he thinks she is going to start chasing him around the dinning room table and throw him down on the floor and jump on top of him. If she has always been this way (or as some have said, "born this way")then it is not very realistic of him to expect her to change from not craving it 24/7 (like he does) when nothing has happen to change her.
My main purpose for bringing it up to starvingmarvin was that he constantly talked about it to his W and it was damaging their M. That has been the biggest problem within my own MR and the more he talked about it....the farther away from him I wanted to be. It is kind of like the DR Tech. Men need to be taught what not to do and say that makes matters worse when the W is LD. The same is true when it is turned around and the W is HD and the H is LD. We all probably do just the opposite of what we should do! Anyway, after so many decades of complaining about the lack of sex....it finally stopped altogether. I didn't want that to happen and did not choose for it to happen, but he chose to stop sleeping in the bedroom with me. Now, to this day he probably thinks I should be the one to come to him and do the "dance"......but guess what? It hasn't happened. Have I had the desire to do the dance? Not once. (BTW, if this is coming across as sounding hateful, I don't mean for it to....)
Do you know what my H said to me when he discovered my IM from the OM? He thought to himself, "Well, she is human after all!" Now that hurt me. Did he think I was inhuman or that I never had needs or that I couldn't feel? You may be thinking that I run him out of the bedroom, but I didn't.....he just stopped having sex with me and never gave me a reason. He did tell my mother (of all people) that if we ever had sex again that I would have to be the one to go to him and do the "dance". It has been eleven years and he has not held me or kissed me.....and I have not done the dance. But, I would have for the OM.......b/c he was talking my love language.....the OM was filling my love tank...or whatever you want to call it, he was giving me what I needed to feel desirable and I wanted to have sex with him. I didn't, but I wanted to.
I have not told you all this to make any of you mad or to hate me. That is not my intention. I mearly wanted to tell one person please don't make the same mistake that my H made. You don't come out the winner! Don't point fingers and say, "You are to blame!". "If you really loved me you would........" (fill in the blanks) If you are the HD partner and you know you have a LD partner, for God's sake......go in there and do the dance if you have to be the one to do it every time......just as long as somebody does it....or else end up like me and my H. You don't want that. It is too lonely. We have gone so many years now without sex until I don't know if we will ever be intimate again. That is very sad to me.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
