I've been separated for about a month. My H moved in w/OW this week, but he still wants to ML w/me. The other night, he told me that he regrets moving in with her, and told me how much he loves/misses me. We ML that night, and he's made several references to it since then. I'm pretty sure the OW doesn't know about this.
Our s*x life was always great, even up to the day he left. So, I'm wondering... will frequent s*x help our hurt our chances of repairing this marriage? I'm trying to be casual and upbeat about it, even though I sort of feel used.
Well, LBS's? Will ML or *going cold turkey* help the most?
Personally I would have thought that if you make it available whenever he wants it then where is the incentive to come home? If he can cake eat he probably will. However to occasionally remind him of what he's missing probably wouldn't hurt - just as long as you don't get hurt by that or let it get your hopes up.
saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Personally I would have thought that if you make it available whenever he wants it then where is the incentive to come home? If he can cake eat he probably will.
I agree! But the fact that he said ILY (he hasn't done that in a while), *I really miss you,* etc. makes me think he's still open to coming back. He's still with the OW, though.
I'm too scared to say, *Don't touch me until she's completely out of your life.*
If OW finds out about this, maybe she'll leave him. On the other hand, it might just drive them closer together!
As I said in my other post, I'm afraid to tell him *Don't touch me until she's completely out of your life.*
Now that I've caved once, I'm sure he'll talk me into caving again. I'm trying to 180 -- keep things upbeat around him, not talk about R, work on GAL, and act like it's no big deal. It IS a big deal, though.
The DR book says it's okay to ML, but I really want to know the percentage of couples who ML while separated/involved w/OP and got back together vs. couples who got back together because they didn't ML.
After 14 years of great s*x, it's hard to resist. After all, we're still married.
I'm almost tempted to tell the OW, but I'm sure it will backfire.
Of course, it wouldn't be the first time I did something stupid like this. It's only been about a month, and I feel like I've done everything wrong.
I'm so discouraged that I feel like walking away, and letting him have his *happy* new life. I'm SO tempted to cut myself out of his life completely, because it hurts so much.
I must confess I have not read DB. But as a man I do know If I could have sex with my wife and another woman That would be great. Why would I want to go back to just haveing sex with my Wife?? I am just giving you a horny mans opnion. Sex with men wait that did not come out right. Sex in a mans mind is diferant than a womens. Do what ever you feel comforable with but think about if he has sex with her and then comes to you and you have sex than anything and anybody she has had sex with you are haveing sex with. You might as well invite her over. Sorry if this sounds harsh but it is how I feel if I were Your husband
the Good husband (so far)
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I must confess I have not read DB. But as a man I do know If I could have sex with my wife and another woman That would be great. Why would I want to go back to just haveing sex with my Wife?? if he has sex with her and then comes to you and you have sex than anything and anybody she has had sex with you are haveing sex with. You might as well invite her over.
Ouch. I think that pretty much answers my question. But so far, no one has answered my OTHER question: should I tell him *no s*x until OW is completely out of the picture?*
There is no answer. You need to decide. What I told you is not right or wrong it is how I feel. Do you want to have sex with him and keep the current sitch????
If you don’t then yes you need to tell him No sex until the OW is out.
If you like the current sitch then by all means have sex when ever he wants
Sorry there is no easy answer. My W had the affair. I was almost to the point that I was ready to tell her she could have sex with him as long as we could stay together. That is how desperate I WAS. I did not tell her this but it did cross my mind...
The Good husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I have to add my 2 cents in here. I would say ABSOLUTELY NOT UNTIL SHE IS G - O - N - E. He's cake eating if he's living w/ and having S w/ her and also having S w/ you. He then has no reason whatsoever to decide one way or the other -- stay w/ her or come back and work out your M.
Don't regret that it happened that one time, however, I would say get a chastity belt (and I'm saying that lightly:) until he decides he wants to work on the M and prove it that he loves YOU and misses YOU. When he says that is what he wants, there needs to be no contact w/ OW. I would say no sex until he has agreed to those terms.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
