There are degrees of narcissism and even though someone may act narcissistic does not mean they are a narcissist. MrsHD might be a hopeless case, but I don't think she is. She might never be "normal" but I do think she can move along way toward lowering her defenses.
lil,
No one can change anyone else's behavior. If anyone on this bb has proved that, hairdog has.
Sorry, but I don't see how HD has proven that at all. No offense HD. I also don't believe your supposition that you cannot change other people. If that were true, how do you account for the Nops?
They don't have to D. he can go about his business, live his life while they are under the same roof.
In other words, do nothing. For a spouse who prefers to live in a cave, going about your own business and leaving the spouse alone is doing nothing. Do you think that's really going to change the M?
HD does need to keep up his show of strength, he does need to set and hold fast to his boundaries. Then he needs to show her the empathy that she asks for in every single exchange that have. She does not ask for it directly, but she does so every single time she exclaims how selfish HD is. It just beats the hell out of me why you people can't hear that.
If for no other reason, it is at least worth a try as it would be a complete 180 to the power struggle they have been going through.
