Hey Marvin for some reason when I read your first post I thought of the quote attributed to Oscar WIlde it goes something like.
"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it"
I think what you're experiencing is fairly common reactions on both sides of the relationship. Maybe it took getting to the point of separation has let your wife "get it" that's fairly common you can question her motivations and even doubt what you originally wanted is still what you want. You're going to have to try to deal with your resentment if you want to help fix the situation.
One thing that you should pay close attention to is how the dynamic in the relationship changes now that you "don't want it" see how her trying to "get you" will push you away in many ways. It's may almost be a 180 of the relationship power struggle that was. See if you can bring any compassion to the situation and try not to abuse the power that you find yourself wielding right now.
I have a feeling and tell me if I'm wrong that if you truly wanted to go or were 100% sure about leaving that you would not be posting on a message board called "divorce busting". All the best to you and I hope things turn out for the best for both of you.
