When to move back in together?

[the girl]

Hey runningoutoftime,
Have you been reading my thread? Despite what I want, it seems like your perspective is the one most realistic to my sitch.

My H responded to my two requests with a flat denial to do either. He says it is over with the OW and they have only exchanged emails twice in the last month. He says he has been proving his recommitment with his actions and that he doesn't want to use words. He says the fact that he has been involved with us should prove he is trying to work on our marriage. He does not want to formally cut contact because he does not want to go back on his word, like he has a few times before. In his mind it is over, and he wants me to accept that.

As for our family, he says he doesn't give a s&@^ what they think. He only considers me and our girls his family.

When I speak of the support I have received, he seems embarassed/in denial. He is still very isolated socially. He says he is still working things out about how he will enter back into relationships. He thinks once we are recommitted and on the road to recovery that the other relationships will fall into place.

I told him I wanted him to think of me, and do these things for me. He says, what about all the things I have been doing?

He said if I insist on forcing these things we will just get divorced; he will not do what I ask...

It was fairly defensive/shameful tone that he spoke with. But as he spoke I could see the gleaming white counters behind him that he had cleaned while I was gone at a baby shower this morning.

So, lots of positive actions. Not much verbal emotional support. Perhaps that will come at Retrouvaille.

So, it looks like I am letting him back in. Of course I feel disrespected and unloved. It looks like I have to accept his terms this one last time, and let him prove if he wants a family with me or not. In a way, it is his deal.

My hope is that the feelings will return. Now to the task of living 'as if' he loved me.

The path looks like it is all vertical, with lots of boulders and thorns, on a winter night. But I have a little flashlight, and people keep telling me that the sun will come out and the trail will get easier...and I have some hot chocolate.

Onward!
The Girl