To respond to, "May I ask why you expect the husbands to act UNCONDITIONALLY to help the women meet his needs CONDITONALLY? Why do you not expect the women to act UNCONDITIONALLY?" Excuse my ignorance....and truly, I'm not trying to be sarcastic, but I guess I don't know what you mean by the question. If I implied that I expected the H or the W to do anthing like that--I did not mean for it to sound that way. I would like for you to answer what you mean by "why do you not expect the women to act unconditionally". Is it b/c I suggested the men do things to romance them before going to bed? Perhaps I am totally misunderstanding here. If that is it, I am not suggesting that it is a "service and reward" type of relationship. It is merely the way of the female nature. Just b/c we get married does not stop the desire to be seduced and romanced by the male.
I was under the impression that starvinmarvin thought that it was his W's duty to meet his HD. In fact, he said in one post, "Your absolouetly right about my responsibility in holding her accountable about my sexual desires. If fact throughout my 20 years of marriage I have discussed this issue and the importance it has to me until I am blue in the face."
I was just not sure if he had tried to do the other things I suggested in my post to him. Also, we cannot "blame" our spouses for being HD or LD as though it is something they choose for themselves. If our hormones is out of kelter....that is a good place to start. If the romance is lacking....that is another place to help heat things up a bit. But, no, I certainly did not mean to say that one spouse should "conditionally" and the other "unconditionally"......(but I am still not sure what you mean by that.)
I have known some personal cases where men/husbands (mine included) "blamed" the woman for being frigid when come to find out, there is no such thing as a frigid woman. So, I feel that I need to come to the defense of the female when she is blamed for being cold and the man's needs is not being met. If he is trying to learn how to physically please her body, and he is trying to do other things to emotionally prepare her for ML, and there is still no positive results....then the next step is C.....either for her or MC for both of them. But, for either side to point their finger at the other and say they are either too LD or too HD is not fair.
To you,starvinmarvin,......my H told me the same thing, that you told your W, for more than 20 years. I did all the cute little things to spice up the sex life (he certainly didn't). The more he complained about not enough sex, the more "lacking" I felt. I could never do enough. I thought I was adnormal for many, many years until I went to C and found out differently. Also, my H wanted me to be the one to seduce him, but God made woman the way He did on purpose. I can't understand why some H's want to change that all around once they marry the girl. Females are created to "respond" to the male's sexual advances. Now, if she doesn't or "can't" then most of the time, it is something the male is not doing right. Sorry that hurts the male ego out there, but that is what the professionals say. They also say the most important female sex organ is the brain....so that is why I suggested start working on the head and making your way downward.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
