Now I've done it

[SallyM]

that's a great idea! not a husband/not a mlc, but still love the painted veil.

[nephartiti]

A walk on the Moon

[nephartiti]

I've been dark for one day now. Yipee. No attmpted contact from H. I did get a certified letter from the school saying I am no longer allowed on campus without prior clearance from the principal. All for looking at the yearbook. I guess it was a bit strange.

I do feel better now that I have all the pieces and she's not such a mystery, but I made myself look like an idiot to get there. Isn't the first time I've looked like an idiot, and I'm sure it won't be the last. However, I intend to make it the last of this nature.

I'm still working on getting those shirts printed.

I also went to WIC today and, go figure, the computer system for the whole state was down.

[nephartiti]

Sometimes I feel there's hope, and, sometimes, I think I'm just kidding myself.

Is it unethical to pray for your husband to come home? To pray that this illusive relationship with the OW crumbles? To pray that H remembers our wedding vows and finds the strength to keep them? Do prayers like this go against the idea for free will?

[mkultra]

OK back up now. Is your H having an affair with someone in the yearbook? Is it a teacher or student? Why would your H care if you were at his work anyways? How does he know you were not bringing him lunch? Is he retaliating for his arrest? He struck you!

I also have an appt. at WIC.

[nephartiti]

He's having an affair with another teacher. The school is year round and has 3 tracks. He's on vacation. She's not. He hangs around town everyday waiting for her, apparantly.

Yes, I believe he is retaliating. He brings up the arrest constantly. He claims he did not mean to hit me. In fact, his story goes that he was trying to put his mid fingure in my face. I came at him and ran into his hand. He did flip me off, w/ his left hand. He punched me w/ his right. This was on 8/9. I still have a bump and a scar on my lower lip. He says that if he would have been convicted, his life would have been ruined-job, citizenship, etc. How dare I do that to him.

My SIL says I have battered wife syndrome, but he was never abusive until recently. I swear I don't know this man in my husband's body. His screen name is Altruist, he's vegan, he won't even kill bugs in the house (takes them outside). Yet, now he hits, shoves, chokes, and swears.

As for the school, his OW is apparently afraid of me. He must portray me as a lunatic. He is verrry protective of her. I think that is the main reason he has stuck to his lie that there is no OW despite the obviousness. He is protecting her. How altruistic.

[nephartiti]

It's been 48 hours since last contact with H. I know this seems like nothing to some, but it is a big accomplishmnent for me. The last contact, he called me (to yell at me for going to his school). It only lasted about 3 minutes because I told him I had someone at the door (true) and would have to talk to him later.

I'm just taking one day, one hour, one minute (sometimes) at a time and trying to keep busy.

I'm going to a home birth meet up garden party today (my 2 youngest were born at home). That should be fun.

[mkultra]

Yes, I believe he is retaliating. He brings up the arrest constantly. He claims he did not mean to hit me. In fact, his story goes that he was trying to put his mid fingure in my face. I came at him and ran into his hand. He did flip me off, w/ his left hand. He punched me w/ his right. This was on 8/9. I still have a bump and a scar on my lower lip. He says that if he would have been convicted, his life would have been ruined-job, citizenship, etc. How dare I do that to him.

My SIL says I have battered wife syndrome, but he was never abusive until recently. I swear I don't know this man in my husband's body. His screen name is Altruist, he's vegan, he won't even kill bugs in the house (takes them outside). Yet, now he hits, shoves, chokes, and swears.

As for the school, his OW is apparently afraid of me. He must portray me as a lunatic. He is verrry protective of her. I think that is the main reason he has stuck to his lie that there is no OW despite the obviousness. He is protecting her. How altruistic.

I cannottell you how similar our sitches are! My H also put his mid finger on my nose and raised his other hand to my head. Why? Because I sat down with himto discuss his sudden weight loss. I honestly thought he had Grave's disease or cancer and was hiding it from me. His family was planning a drug intervention so I thought we would talk about it first. He got so offended that I did not accept the way he looked, he blew up. I was shocked that someone chose to look like that! This man also takes flies and spiders to the garden. The joke in our family is that he is a dog, senior and baby whisperer because all animals, babies, and old people love my H. Now he is a scary shell of who he used to be.

I do not know if this is battered wife syndrome or unconditional love either. I also get cheers and jeers but lately, even pro marriage people are giving me some signals that he is just not worth it. My aunt had to send away her drug addicted son after enabling him. he died homeless of a heroin OD a few weeks later. She is advising me to do the same with my H, let him go and move on, that he is lost to our world and he is never coming back. It is really hard to see the self destructon of someone you love in such a short time. I think your H made a mistake and is now reacting to the guilt and does not see how to get back to his life so he is just digging a deeper hole. He is not happy or having fun. Our H's are being destructive.

[nephartiti]

[quote=nephartiti]

I do not know if this is battered wife syndrome or unconditional love either. I also get cheers and jeers but lately, even pro marriage people are giving me some signals that he is just not worth it. My aunt had to send away her drug addicted son after enabling him. he died homeless of a heroin OD a few weeks later. She is advising me to do the same with my H, let him go and move on, that he is lost to our world and he is never coming back. It is really hard to see the self destructon of someone you love in such a short time. I think your H made a mistake and is now reacting to the guilt and does not see how to get back to his life so he is just digging a deeper hole. He is not happy or having fun. Our H's are being destructive.

Yes, it is so heartbreaking because you know and hold on to the person you know he is/was inside. I feel like the core of my husband is still there, buried under layers of anger, hurt, and illusion. I too believe he is not happy out there. He actually admits this. I believe the mess is so big, he can't even fathom starting to clean it up. Instead, he's walking away to try to start over.

At first, my family was supportive. Yesterday, my SIL said that if he were to come back, they would not go to any family functions if he is there. It is going to be hard for everyone if we reconcile. Everyone has already written him off.

I'm still waiting because I know we had 5 wonderful (by no means perfect, but solid) years. If I weigh that next to the last 3 1/2 months, there is still more good than bad. If I think about my children, whom I know he loves dearly despite his abandonment, I want them to have the opportunity to grow up with their father.

How long will I wait? That I don't know. I have committed to myself that I will hold tight til the end of the year and then re-evaluate my situation. Of course, life has changed so completely in the last few months that I realize anything can happen now (good or bad).

[nephartiti]

I just looked in the mirror and realized that I look pretty darn good. I've lost almost 20 pounds since this all started (mostly because, in the beginning, I was so stressed/depressed I couldn't eat). My skin looks better than ever.

The party I went to yesterday was so rejuvenating. There were lots of families, which was a little weird for me, but there were so many kids that my kids were in heaven. I felt joy in my heart. I feel like my H is missing out. I sometimes feel guilty for feeling happy and content.

I jogged out to my car to get a diaper. It felt so good, I jogged past my car to the end of the street. It still felt good, so I turned and jogged back down to the other end of the street. I eventually stopped, but, the point is, I feel life coursing through my veins. I am by no means happy about my situation, but I am still alive! I don't have to be this pitiful empty shell of a woman because my H is no longer here!

I know this is obvious, but it has finally sunk in. He rejected, abused, and abandoned me with our small children. He has committed the ultimate betrayal with OW, and has continued to lie and be deceitful. I did falter, but I am still standing. Life will go on, and I will be whole. I will put one foot in front of the other, and I will walk my kids through life's moments to the best of my ability.

I will thank God everyday for giving me the opportunity to perservere. I will thank Him for my friends and family who have stood by me in support during this time. I will thank Him for the stranger who helps me with my groceries or gives me a smile without even knowing who I am or what I am going through. I will thank Him for all of you. May God bless every one of you and your families.