I've become 'semi-comfortably numb'

[Kim07]

Mkultra,,God I wish there were a pill, lol! I'm still waiting on my refill of Xanax, he he,,best stuff in the world!

During all this, I have been losing weight like crazy. Lost another 5 lbs in the last 10days, not how I would imagine it would happen but oh well, there has to be a positive to this sitch somewhere!lol!

To give ya an idea, i'm 5'6 1/2" tall & now 140.3lbs, I have 16.3lbs to go to get to where I was over 10yrs ago, I feel happy & confident that i'm doing it and that I will once again fit into most of those clothes I kept in boxes in the garage! Yeaee!

To think, 1yr ago I was 180 lbs & very unhappy w/myself for letting me be consumed by this! I decided I want my life back,,went to get my fasting bloodwork done last wk my triglycerides were frickin' 20! Cholesterol was 139, thats' ok,,altho 10yrs ago it was 103. LDL's(good lipids)are abnormally high & HDL's(bad lipids)are abnormally low and my blood sugar is 84,,,Doc says at least we know I will never die of a heart attack!lol!

Its' weird,,now H & I have traded places. He was never a Dr's advocate if ya know what I mean but now complains that the Dr. told him if he doesn't lose weight & watch what he eats & DRINKS NOW his 'pre-diabetes' status will turn into the real thing! Then last week he told me about them wanting to do tests to figure out if he has colon cancer(related to diabetes)(hes' 41),,WTF??

Just 1 1/2 yrs ago H was telling ME that I was a hypocondriac, I was indeed sick ALL the time for a few yrs,,,BUT NOT ANYMORE!!

I use to be very concerned about his health, ya know touchy- feely type crap, what kind of tests are they gonna do, what were you're blood test results, etc.,,always was b/c I was & still am in the medical field,,,NOT ANYMORE!! I told H when he told me that, "Well, i'm sorry to hear that, take care of yourself, good-bye."

Today when H came to pick up the boys, I was inadvertantly in my brand new bathing suit,,

Everytime we have to "see" each other i'm always dressed nicely or just plain look good,,,I want him to think a little about what he threw away and how I couldn't be more confident w/myself & my life!!!

Cheers, Kim

P.S. Yes, Bette does reconcile w/H,,niiice! I have to make these decisions w/him,,cordially,,or he will use it against me in court for not being flexible & not paying my fair share,,the goal is to make HIM to look bad in court if I want to win. For the last 4 1/2yrs I have paid ALL my bills by myself, H would not help me out & pay any of them,,i've actually been doing things on my own for that long,,its' just getting hard w/this economy & my jobs!This sucks, doesn't it??