If you don't mind advice from a woman that has been married for a long time.....then I'm your gal. (Well, that wasn't the best term to use, but you know what I mean.)
When you talked to your W about the sexual needs you had.....do you realize you were telling her that she did not measure up and that it was HER responsibility to meet those needs? Did you use any particular plans to help arouse her....and by that I mean OUTSIDE the bedroom? For example, I mean all the things we women need to excite us before time to go to bed. You know, we need to be "prepared" to be prepared for sex. You need to get us in the mood long before the actual sex act. It is what happens during the day that depends what happens during the night. Most men just don't get that!
Instead of putting the monkey on her back and telling her she was not meeting your needs.....did you "romance" her? Did you do unexpected little things to brighten up her life? Did you prepare romantic "settings" for the evenings? Did you bring a flower in for her or send one to where she may work? Did you leave little love notes for her to find, plan any special weekend trips, do "fun" things that had nothing to do with sex? Did YOU do anything that added "spice" to the M, or did you expect her to do it all?
There are so many book, tapes, etc. for women out there to tell them how and what to do to spice up the MR......but when are men going to wake up and see that if they want their W to meet their sexual needs then the HUSBAND should be the one to do SOMETHING to spice up the wife!!!
She can't help have LSD any more than you can help having HSD. Don't BLAME her for that........HELP her. Their is no such thing as a frigid woman. I thought I was that way for years and years b/c of my H. Finally a C told me that I was not frigid but that my H did not know what to do to get me hot. So, you may want to think about what you are doing to help or to hinder her.
The best way to help "some" women......I can't speak for all of them of course, but to stop hounding her about it all the time may be the ticket. We human beings seem to want what we think we can't have and I've tried to tell some H's to play a little hard to get and see if that will cause their W's to come around. It sounds like when you decided to "move on" and left her alone.....then that got her motivated to "work" at keeping you around. It is so ironic how these things work on the human heart! So unfair! But.....realistic.
If you still love her.......don't reject her now while she is trying so hard to be what you have told her you wanted all this time. Believe me......please listen to what I'm saying here.....she will never get over you rejecting what she is doing at this time in her life trying her best to do what you want her to do. Obviously she loves you very much and wants to keep you for her H or she would be willing for you to "move on" also.
By coming here to this board for advice, you are saying that you may not be quite ready to leave your M. That is good. I did the same thing......but for different circumstances, but these people here stopped me from walking out on a marriage that has lasted over 41 years!
Don't leave her sweetie.....please wait and give it some time. There are so many reasons why she could have low sexual drive. What is her age? Has she talked to a doctor? There are some things that can help women....if it is her hormones. And speaking of that.......everything in our life seems to be centered around those blasted hormones. We are either Pre.....during.....or post some type of cycle in our life. I know it's not fair to you men....but God, think about how WE feel! Aslo I have found that LSD is caused by lack of physical energy! If she is totally worn out then that will cause her to be like that.
Like everyone here on the board, I have problems of my own, but we are all here to try to help one another. So, don't leave yet. Wait and read what others say. Read other's threads, etc. I know it has helped me a lot and I think it will you also. In the meantime, try to think about "romancing" her instead of just having sexual gradification. Oh, and if you aren't one that has done that much in the past.....except when you were trying to get sex.....of course, she will think that is where it is headed, but if you will just romance her and not even hint at sex.....well.....just TRY it and see what happens.
Talk to us every day. It helps to do that. It is a way of journaling. I don't know why it works, but it does. Maybe to keep us from blowing a gasket.....or from becoming a WAS.....like I almost was.
Take care, sweetie, and keep busy. Working hard seems to help also. If it is possible for men to get too tired for sex........does that ever happen? (lol) Just kidding. I have to kid around....it's my personality.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
