Corri, places and money for kids and the elderly are all around. Really, who can put grandma or grandpa out on the street? No one!
When I see advertisements for Long term Care policies for the elderly and know of all the places people can go in a few weeks, if the need arises. I wonder why people buy LTC policies.
Sure, with LTC insurance, you get to live in better places, but some of the LTC facilities have residents that are broke. State and federal funds pay for the people w/o $$$$.
I know a few broke residents. They get everything the paying residents receive, except a smaller allowance for beauty shop and hair care/perms.
Those 90-year-old ladies go for the perms big time. Cant walk, can’t hear, trouble seeing, but the hair has to be right.
I hear you Lou, but I never even considered looking up Section 8 housing. I can solve this problem. I have great furniture that would fill an entire apt. for him. Got all kinds of things I was ready to sell in a yard sale that I am now going to hang on to.
I have all kinds of options now... I just needed a place to start looking, and you helped me do that. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!
there should be a "department of Elder services", or something of a similar name, at your city/town hall, that can direct you to what you're looking for. There are subsidized appartments for the elderly all over the place. I think alot of people just don't know about them, because they don't "advertise". There are a couple of places like that in my home town...very nice places, too. I don't think this comes under "section 8", though...that kind of dredges up all sorts of unsavory images. Anyway, point being that for whatever reason, this type of government subsidized housing isn't a run down pit of despair; they're nice places. I had a dear old aunt that lived in one for quite a few years before her passing. It was perfect. small, efficient, but had all the stuff that old folks need. (handicapped accessibility, good security, people to call in an emergency, etc). the only catch is there is likely to be a waiting list for any such place, so get on any and every list asap.
Corri. I just googled "elderly housing" and included a big town near where I live to find internet resources.
google "elderly housing" and your dad's zip code or your zip code. Look at those resource headings and agency names and modify the search.
County welfare (the old name, like janitor, not enviromental services-the new name for the same function) deals with this all of the time.
Cac, yes the waiting list. Just tell section 8 you got an eviction notice. then get the current land lord to give you that notice. Section 8 has eviction notice funds nost of the time. Like I told Corri, no one wants to see grandparents on the street.
Salvation Army and another church directed agency has a men's shelter, and a seperate family shelter. I fix their printer.
People are giving away clothing and some furniture in places like that.
Medications and special foods are in short supply.
My town has a special bus service for low income people for medical trips. 50 cents or a dollar a ride. Call ahead 24 hours and have your buck are the only requirements.
I used to fix their printer too but they went for a big company name service contract. Oh well, they must have better funding than I thought they had. I know the big boys charge more.
Another insider tip. Want your printer fixed today? Tell the repair person you need to print payroll checks. That puts you at the top of the list along with the other people who give this same story.
Thanks guys... very much. I will do this. Like I said... I just needed a place to start... I googled 'retirement with no savings' and got... uhm... nowhere.
I didn't really know what to google... haven't done this before... you can't get the answer if you don't know what to ask, eh?
Interestingly, I totally understand your brother's POV. IMO, my sister keeps trying to take care of our mother or run her life for her and it's so clear to me that it directly relates back to the fact that my sister wishes that my mother had been a more involved parent. It's like my sister is subconsciously thinking "My life/psychological health would be better if you had been a better parent and I'm going to prove that by doing a better job parenting you in your old age than you did for me when I was young." or something like that. Total fusion.
Clearly, I don't know the details of your sich but would you "take care" of one of your sons in the way you are taking care of your father or would you feel like it might interfere with his personal growth if you did? Are you just assuming that your father is incapable of personal growth at his age and your current actions are just sort of a first step towards preparing for his death? I know people who are over 90 and living active, independent vital lifes in which they manifest a great deal of personal responsibility.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Interestingly, I totally understand your brother's POV.
I do, too.
Quote:
Clearly, I don't know the details of your sich but would you "take care" of one of your sons in the way you are taking care of your father or would you feel like it might interfere with his personal growth if you did? Are you just assuming that your father is incapable of personal growth at his age and your current actions are just sort of a first step towards preparing for his death?
I'm not worried about his personal growth, and I am not doting on him. I'm not even solving his problem or making his choices for him. I am collecting information for him so he can do his own planning and make his own decisions.
I would also like to prepare myself with information, in case something DOES happen to him (or my mother) unexpectedly and he CAN'T make his own decisions. My mother has a prepared will and a living will... she's covered herself. My dad has none of those things.
Things 'happen' in life. I sure as heck wasn't prepared for his heart attacks... and I'm not going to read every medical journal there is in case he gets something... I don't know how you can prepare for something like that...
but... there WILL come a day when my dad stops working, he IS going to have issues with his retirement amount, and he IS going to need help. Those are facts. Not my opinions... not my 'caring' spilling over in inappropriate ways.
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I know people who are over 90 and living active, independent vital lives in which they manifest a great deal of personal responsibility.
And I know plenty who aren't. That's really not relevant, though. I am willing to help. I'm not going to 'do it all' for him. My brother stated very clearly what he is willing to do to help. I stated very clearly what I am willing to do to help. We agreed. I dunno. I think that is appropriate, and typical of what families do for themselves...
I know this is a potential weak area for me. I think that's really all I can do, Mo.
I'm sensing a lot of anger in you, from some of your recent posts. Is there anything you need to talk about or am I just being oversensitive again?
FWIW, I'm dealing with a LOT of anger right now. I feel like it is going to boil over any minute. I am so freakin pissed off at both myself and everone who has taken advantage of my good nature (and pissed off again at myself for letting it happen). I know I'm supposed to let it out and not stuff it, but this feels bad to me, like if I let it go its going to REALLY blow.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
FWIW, I'm dealing with a LOT of anger right now. I feel like it is going to boil over any minute. I am so freakin pissed off at both myself and everone who has taken advantage of my good nature (and pissed off again at myself for letting it happen). I know I'm supposed to let it out and not stuff it, but this feels bad to me, like if I let it go its going to REALLY blow.
Remember this feeling. This is what happens when you hold it all in. Much better to express yourself (without whining, of course) regularly and insist on reasonably taking time for yourself regularly and know that you'll get plenty more chances to meet your own needs and fulfill your own desires, than hold it all in and then go completely overboard when you "can't take it anymore" or otherwise have an excuse to put yourself first because you don't know when or if another chance will come along.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
