I am not an expert, so take anything I say with a grain of salt. First, you ask if this is MLC. I don't know, but I can see where you might see some of the signs. My first reaction is that he never really got over his first wife. My second thought is that he is looking for things to keep him away from you. But you should seek a professional to help you work through this maze and find some answers to your question.
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Within 2 months we were living in Belgium. Unreasonable anger showed within weeks but he always apologised beautifully and was truly sorry. I loved the financial security, his honesty, reliability and his “responsible, caring” nature. I felt looked after. I had previously lived with someone who took very little responsibility and was unfaithful. H was very romantic. Surprise gifts, trips abroad to luxury hotels, hot air ballooning over Alps. He was always telling me how much he loved me.
This was still the honeymoon period. We men can be charming MFs during that time. (Invective used to show the duality of man while pitching woo.) Unfortunately, after the honeymoon, where we have done our best to put forth our best, we revert back to the norm which can show a less flattering side.
While I can't say exactly where his head is, but he is running away. Is it MLC? Again, I don't know. But it is entirely possible, he made a mistake and you were the lucky one to get caught in the middle. His unreasonable anger early on sure seems to show this. But again, talk to someone more experienced than us on this board.
My ex said she wasn't happy for a long time. I asked her why she had two children with me (my sons came during the 7th and 10th years of our marriage). She said she thought it would make a difference. Part was looking for a change in me. Part was looking in a change to her feelings. So what do I know. The only ppoint is perhaps your H thought having a children could make a difference in his feelings for you. I don't know.
As for your final questions, your H, MLC or not, carries blame here. Also, you were in the relationship and it takes two to tango so you still have to examine yourself and your role. It could be something simple like overlooking the unreasonable anger. Perhaps he really wasn't as honest and reliable as you thought at the beginning.
Again, this is just from reading a quick blurb here. (And the fact that it was lengthy in your eyes is good because you had to tell the story.)
The DB book is very good. But go see someone more skilled in these matters. It could be a psychologist. It could be a minister. The wisdom and knowledge that I received in my face-to-face meeting has stuck with me much more than any advise I received here. Of course, the friendships I have made here have enhanced my life.
