Is this a MLC or am I trying to pass the blame?

[2stepsforward]

We met 5 years ago. It was love at first sight.

H is IT consultant. H had been with ex-wife 10 years. She wanted to D. H said that he tried everything to stop D. Counselling etc. it didn’t work. H found new girl friend within weeks. She was 10 years older. He split up with her after 3 years. She was recovering from hysterectomy. 2 months later he met me. H put a photo of us kissing in his hall. His ex still had to come to the house to deal with her cats. She was very upset with the photo (quite rightly). H was very business-like with ex. They mainly had email contact. H had wanted to live “a life less-ordinary” with ex. Go abroad, voluntary work etc. She didn’t want to. H had tried to make her “happy”. She loved animals and so with H’s financial help she got low paid job at vets. She hated it and left.

Within 2 months we were living in Belgium. Unreasonable anger showed within weeks but he always apologised beautifully and was truly sorry. I loved the financial security, his honesty, reliability and his “responsible, caring” nature. I felt looked after. I had previously lived with someone who took very little responsibility and was unfaithful. H was very romantic. Surprise gifts, trips abroad to luxury hotels, hot air ballooning over Alps. He was always telling me how much he loved me.

H sold his house in the UK. Friends very surprised. It had been his “project” for last few years. He had been very proud of it. The project was incomplete but H sold it very suddenly. We bought a house by the sea in Turkey and poured our hearts and souls into creating a beautiful place to live. We lived there and H tried to find more “meaningful” work. Married 2 years later. Fairytale wedding. First child born a year later (planned). I stayed in Turkey during pregnancy and taught. H had to return to UK and work in IT again as no work found in Turkey. Moved back to UK for winter so could be together as family. H becoming increasing critical. Then returned to Turkey. H still looking for meaningful job. H decided wanted to have a life involved with sailing. Suddenly we had a boat. H had to borrow money on my house in the UK to buy it. Debts slowly mounting up. H got IT job in Dubai. I joined him with D and pregnant again (planned). Stayed in Dubai for 6 months. H hated it. He hated the job and the place. Couldn’t really explain why. Complained that I was too clingy and dependent. Blamed myself but with hindsight can see that it wasn’t true. I discovered that he’d been looking at porn on the internet. He said that he would stop. I believe he did. Suddenly H decided that he couldn’t stand Dubai any longer and we bought a new house in the UK and moved back here. We now owned 2 houses, 3 cars and a boat. Had lived in 4 countries, 6 different houses, had married and had 2 children in 5 years. He raved about the new location and house for a few weeks. Then he got an IT job about 2 hours away. We really needed the money. He stayed away 3 nights a week. Our S was born. 8 weeks later H announced he’d like to go sailing in Turkey with a male friend. I wasn’t very keen (very tired) but said yes. The trip grew in length and then it became a holiday with H taking 6 friends including 3 women. I was very upset and angry. H said that I didn’t want him to be happy. I felt so guilty that I said he should go. While he was away I became bitter and angry again. H spent the trip apologising to me on the phone. Said afterwards that he loved me but that I had ruined his trip and that my anger had caused what came next.

3 weeks later H told me ILYBNILWY. We could stay together for the sake of the kids but he couldn’t promise what the future would bring. I did all the wrong things. He then told me that he didn’t love me and saw no future for us. He said that I had never been happy with him. That I had never wanted a H. He would be fully committed to kids and support me as their mother. That we should separate. I read DR. Acted AS IF but with back sliding. If I get emotional, angry, talk about the R etc. H repeats that he doesn’t love me and never will. He repeats that he wants me to be happy and that if I am only pretending to be happy then it makes him feel awful. That he doesn’t want to come to the house if I am only pretending. I must be truly happy. H said that he wants to find OW with kids of her own so that she understands him. H said that one day we could all (kids, H, me and OP’s) go on holiday together to our house in Turkey (he is now saying he doesn’t care about the house as it’s only a place and places are not important). H is coming home less and less although he still stays at the weekends. Initially he was happy to stay in the house with me (even in the same bed), he talked about future plans for our new house and did chores, but he is now worried about heavy R talks if he stays here too much and he doesn’t want to come across as ambiguous and confusing . I started to post on the DB Newcomers forum (H managed to log on as me and read all my posts so he knew I was acting).

H is still frequently critical, short-tempered/unreasonably angry or annoyed with me as he has been for quite a long time now. At times he cries (songs, our D crying or me crying can trigger it), He quickly suppresses it. He has been doing searches on the internet for the “best place in Britain to live”. He has been obsessing about his teeth. He goes to IKEA nearly every week even when he doesn’t need to buy anything (in Dubai he wanted to go there all the time too) He didn’t/doesn’t have OW (I am positive) but I think he is looking. H admitted that he has been snappy with work colleagues. He went mad when I tried to call him at work (I was very upset). He wasn’t at his desk but became very angry when he discovered that I had tried to call him when I was very emotional.

I have been thinking and reading without stop these past weeks (and dying inside). I started to read the MLC/depression advice posts. There are so many things that fit. I know that I have issues that I must deal with (low libido, sulking and in the past few months letting H’s criticisms make me angry in front of our D). I have been beating myself up about these things until my MC said that our R breakdown wasn’t my fault. Our children are so young and love him dearly, as do I.
Does this sound like a MLC or am I trying to put all the blame on my H? Please help me, knowledge really is powerful and has been helping me through this but maybe I am wrong??

Sorry about the length of this first post!