Well, your last post has brought tears to my eyes and sent my heart pounding. I cannot say I've been verbally abused as you describe. What I'm realizing is maybe there was some emotional. My H has not had a problem pointing out all of my flaws - always late, not outgoing, reserved. I don't know they are all flaws, but that's how he saw them and constantly fixated on them.
Even through the separation, he would make snide comments to me. As recent as last week, instead of thanking me for picking the kids up from him, he pointed out that I was there at 1:30 instead of 1:00 (even though he didn't make it until 1:15).
I'm doing things now that I couldn't even dream of doing when I was married. I'm going back to school to get my masters, bought a new house that I'm fixing up (and doing a lot of things myself which I never had confidence enough to do before), made MANY new friends and really the list goes on.
I too met a new someone. We are simply friendly right now. I run into him at soccer games for our kids. He is the first man (other than those on the board) who I had a mature conversation with that didn't lead to my faults or pumping his ego up! It has been amazing. Will it go anywhere? I'm not interested in that right now. But, I will admit it has given me a lot of hope to see what is out there and what I've lived without for so long.
So, you are a true inspiration. I understand about standing for your marriage. I did too. But a time came that I realized, I'd outgrown my H. Sad, but true. My expectations were raised as I went through this journey and H is still where he started.
I realized my marriage was not what I'd thought when my dad died of cancer. Instead of being my support, H grew distant and told me that I wasn't dealing w/it and he and kids couldn't take it. 9 months later, he left.
I don't blame H for the break-up of our marriage. I don't blame OW either. She didn't help, but she wasn't the cause. What I do think is that when it was at the worst time, H didn't even lift a finger to work on it. He may regret that someday. He may not. It doesn't matter to me anymore.
So, thanks MTN! You are giving me confidence and hope that I really need right now!
Me-BS 38 X-WS 36 Separated 11/15/2006 Filed for D 8/1/2007 Divorce Final 12/21/2007 S13, S13 (twins), D9 Married 13 Yrs Together 20 Yrs
