Im not sure what part you aspire too, but her purple haze created, 'zen' personality, complete social indifferance - imperviousness, and hell on wheels default, comes from somethin that Im sure you dont aspire too live thru. It can be good on a moderate level.
Mojo, What I would say about you is that you are acting like a hard*ss. We are judged by our actions. The truth is my default is severly Hard*ss. If you break my boundary, I will disassemble you. I accept that, and work to control it. When I was a tween12,13 I was a REAL Sh!thead with my verbals. Make my teachers cry etc. At 14 I just stopped it. Dont know why just didnt feel right. Wasnt right. However, There is no L in my fLight or fight response. I cut off x the second time to protect her from my verbal abuse.
I do really well with controlling that. I suppressed it for a while, instead of controlling it. tsk tsk. be who you are-- repression leaks out. Women thinking otherwise are 'trying to fix me.' My mistake was not maintaining true to myself, not protectin myself, and what is mine. Acting monkey is not going to attract the right woman for me.
I'm just worried that you've been popping a bunch of diuretics before sex to enable you to dump all that vasopressin so efficiently Hmmm. Stick to your statistics and quit mucking about in my chemistry. Dont tell me you are using atosiban or barusiban? I dont do that. Honestly, I just dont care. I thought I was immune to it, but obviously not in a LTR. Good to know, tending the fences becomes a selfish boundary about my needs instead of done for her. I can justify that apparant lack of differentiation.
Part of the reason I'm working on vulnerability is I hate getting the feeling that men are attracted to me when I am weak yet I like being pinned down. What's up with that? Probably it's my own sexuality that makes me cranky (sigh).
Yes. probably. Men are drawn to rescuing. It makes them feel good about themself. Saps. Thats not the exhibition of strength that women are sexually attracted too. Thats for the bunny. I have no interest in the bunny. Doesnt fill my sex needs. Thats why my guy friends rescue girls and have female friends, and I have sex with women. (referance the spider, vacuum cleaner story.)
Obviously, a woman who is 5'9" and does Denis Austin regularly can open her own doors. So can a woman who is 4"11. I tell em, Hey... hold that door for me. Thanks... *shocked woman* ...and close your mouth, your gonna catch flies.
NG was delighted that I made him tarts but it was very hard for me to do it because I view the "cow" part of my personality as very sexually unattractive now Dont do it then. I had a girl show up at my place with lunch... ummm. weird. especially after I told her I would call her when I woke up. Which is code for DO NOT wake me up.
In two of my dating books the male authors list behaviors that a man will exhibit during sex if he is "making love" to you vs. "f*cking" you. (The thing that struck me as odd was that apparently many men won't go down on women with whom they don't feel or want to feel emotional connection. IMO, either this is false or I have been much "loved") What?? Your right I have no clue about my brethern, and I think I do ok, cause I love getting women to talk about previous lovers. Whatever. ...maybe they dont go down on women because they dont want the woman to fall in love with him???...I dont care, whatever. Sucks to be her. If I liked bj's I would be like 'chop chop, get down there.'
when we would go to bed, I used to say bf:'assume the position' which meant spooning. one time -after several years- x said 'I dont like it when you say that, it makes me feel like a slave.' I didnt say it for 3 months. [side note--Thats it. I just stopped. no conversation about it. It didnt hurt my feelings, didnt mope about it, her loss if she didnt want to 'assume the position.' What would happen if I started personalizing and arguing about not being a slave master blah blah bleeeech...] one night she goes ' how come you never say assume the position anymore'. bf: you mean- make you feel like a slave? x: *sigh* I dont know why I said that. bf: would you Like to assume the position? x: your such a pain. *wiggle* next night bf: assume the position.
It's like the assumption is made that the woman is just lying there passively waiting to either be f*cked or made love to yes. women who I consider to be LD -my version- not the BB version- and the majority, just go passive and receptive in the beginning. When I first got D, I picked most of my dates based on that, trying to understand better LD women. In the past I always went with the dopamine junkies, not intentionally, just due to pysch equivilancy. LD's want you to just do what you want, (referance haps comments) so they can know where they stand. They either have no preferance -or none that they know of.
simply because you are more consciously choosing to for some other reason. I didnt ML to JC, she seems like she is ML to me, but its just her being in control. I flipped her cause I was tired of her being in control (we have an agreement sorta.. I agree, but dont promise. Hehe. ) and the animals got teased untill they broke out of the cage. She liked it(didnt stop it). But she didnt like it(withdrew). But she did (came back). girls. I never would have been able to find out if she liked it, if I didnt let her withdraw and comeback. NO CHASING! A dog cant catch a cat, without hurting it. You can chase it just to hear it hiss and spit for your own laughs, but you have to go lay down for it to come snuggle.
Doesn't her signaling have a lot to do with the matter? Yes, but I still am not going to ML to her, unless I am actually 'loving her'. Maybe I should describe the differance between sex and ML.
If you brought home the girl who jumped you in the ice cream aisle and she suddenly went completely "bunny" on you as soon as her lumberjack shirt was removed, would you be able to f*ck her? Thats what happened with chola girl. Ended up being a vulnerable little latina girl in a tough costume. Obviously or she wouldnt have been on the receiving end of a lock shearing head shave from her former gf. probably why she picked me. I am told I feel 'safe' pretty often. *snort.* I think they mean safe as in- inside the fortress, not- safe as in, not dangerous.
and the answer is yes, I will, because if you dont, things get out of kilter. Ice cream had a wife beater, and there was nothing apparantly vulnerable about her. except for her anger. You said Lumber jack shirt. LOL.
OTOH, what if in some bizarro world you actually fall in love again with "some sweet in floral print" and she jumps your *ss like a monkey/lioness right after you're done holding hands and sharing a straw at the soda shoppe? hm. x. Im avoiding them right now. Id like to say I wont fall in love with her if I find her. I think once you've gone thru the withdrawal process of quitting heroin, only an idiot would go back. Im ignorant, hopefully Im not an idiot. That actually describes the sturdy girl I mentioned In HD's thread that liked to brawl. Swinging, leg kicking, etc. This will make OT happy to hear me admit, but I couldnt tell if she was O'ing because she was so over the top. Resolution and quivering legs, loss of verbal ability and inability to stand suggest yes, but she was really so... somatic, physical, I was skeptical. I never thought I would say a woman could be too loud and physical. So I wont say it. Still. It could never be maintained. Not by me. Maybe Im getting old.
"The bunny wants to have sex." Okay, that's not really true. The bunny does like to be "joined" with somebody. However, the bunny has no drive towards orgasm. So here's kind of what I'm thinking in terms of sexual vulnerability. A lot of women, even me to some extent, when they first start having sex rely on the man to arouse them and bring them to orgasm like it's their job ( kind of like Daddy pushing you around the block on your bike while you concentrate on not falling off). Then as you mature in sexuality you take more responsibility for your own arousal and orgasm (learn to ride the bike yourself, tandem, no hands, pop the wheelie!) When you want to be pinned down etc. it's kind of like you are wanting the responsibility to be forcibly taken off of your hands. You want to be rendered vulnerable or thrust back more into the feminine role while still getting the monkey excitement that will aid your arousal and orgasm.
I think you are treading in dangerous waters and giving away the secrets to navigating the female labyrinth. You may be visited in the night by avenging warriors of the sisterhood, if you are not careful.
kind of like how I might "let" him open the door on a date even though I'm perfectly confident of my ability to open a door, and in that way render myself sexually vulnerable yet not weak. I just wonder if I'm strong enough to pin my own *ss down. It might be freakin' hard to keep that monkey from kicking or stop the cow from somehow getting involved in the enterprise.
Sounds like integration. Let me know if you accomplish it, or just keep updating us, and Ill add you to my list of 3 OW who I presume have accomplished this.
Dont worry about me falling 'in love' though, Im smart enough to know where it comes from. I know you will. *snort*
Yes, I am certain I will let myself fall in love again. I just haven't worked out the details - lol. Clearly, I am worried about you NOT "falling in love". funny. I meant I know you will worry about me falling in love. and I was being sarcastic. Ill stick with choosing to love, the other is to analagous to 'stepping in it' its hard to scrape out when your shoe tread is deep.
I almost responded positively to this guy who wants to date me just because he's 6'5" and looks like a giant teddy bear. Luckily, I remembered what happens when you give a teddy bear to a monkey and the zoo keeper did the right thing.
I think you should. often a nice guy is hiding a core of strength, that manhandlers are missing and demonstrate by their shifting attentions. Its all about your perception and your ability to handle yourself, which is admittedly... Are you visually attracted to him? What happened to your aspiration to date various men?
I would bake you some cookies if you were my real little brother.
Younger. Not little. get it right. I like the peanut butter ones with the hershey kisses in the center.
*shocked woman* ...and close your mouth, your gonna catch flies. 
girls. I never would have been able to find out if she liked it, if I didnt let her withdraw and comeback. NO CHASING! A dog cant catch a cat, without hurting it. You can chase it just to hear it hiss and spit for your own laughs, but you have to go lay down for it to come snuggle. 
I like the peanut butter ones with the 