I stand corrected. I think I should have said our mistakes. And yes Cobra, Everyone makes them. I make them all the time....Still make them.....Will in the future........ So will you. Scary isn't it.
You know out of that whole post all you have to focus on is that I dare to use the word mistakes. You are either a real jerk or amazingly thick-headed.
Hope you weren't offended by any of that Chrome. That wasn't my intent.
I stand corrected. I think I should have said our mistakes.
Hmmm....that's an odd response to my post. I don't think anything I said had any implication about you. In fact, if you wanted to stretch it, you could even interpret that to mean if Chrome didn't make a mistake, then you didn't either. Or you could interpret it to mean that you made the mistake not Chrome, or you were responsible for Chrome making the mistake, or maybe there is an astronomical alignment that is making everyone edgy, or maybe you're just having a bad hair day.
What I meant by my post was to give Chrome a pep talk, a boost of confidence and to push aside his guilt, without having anything to do with you. Can you see that now?
Can I take your confidance away in scientific areas? Why not?
Yeah well my confidence in matters scientific doesn't help me in my M
That wasnt my point. There is a reason no one can take your confidance from you at work. When you figure out what it is, you can start applying it to other areas of your life. It has to do with hard work, doing what needs to be done regardless, and being rewarded. in other words, BTDT, got the merit badge.
I said: That just seems to happen a lot to me. You said: Whats wrong with this statement?
Lack of a feeling of control of the situation
so how do you change your perspective to feel in control? Things rarely happen to us. We make choices and decisions that lead to consequences. The quickes way to empower yourself is to stop using Defence Mechanisms and start owning everything you do. For example, when at the age of 18 you find yourself sitting in the waves of the sea of cortez disgorging your innards after imbibing copious quantities of alcohol de agave, you could 1. pray to god to help you and stop this, and promise to never do it again 2. curse a man named cuervo who lived in 1800, for not providing a detailed users guide with his product. 3. Curse your countries laws from preventing you from not having a better social environment of teaching moderation 2. realize that yeah you are probably going to do this again, and false promises to Dieties are not good karma, remind yourself what a fantastic Bday you just had, but that possible you were a little ignorant of alchohol and volume, and in the future some experimentation and clinical self observation is in order. you play you pay. get your wallet out and quit grippin. *ralph* (Lord, I know you know, but this really sucks. Just needed to say that outloud. Thank you for my liver. ) *wash of waves*
But I wasn't aware of my anger, and I have been making an effort to be more positive in my interactions toward her.
There you go. That is why it was placating/supplicating. Your more concerned with the OP feelings then with you own. Instead of living in the moment, and feeling yourself acting authentically, you are twisting yourself trying to get a reaction. Attachment to the outcome, instead of being you and letting the chips fall where they may, because even if they fall away, you know you have more to play with. You can have a desired outcome, and work towards that bravely, you can hope for the best and assume good will, but attachment to the outcome will mess you up. Fear from failure/loss will enter. having zero attachment to the outcome is not always good either.
If your W said tonight, Im sick of having sex with you. Im done with it. What would you do? How would you react? This is a trick question.
I would like to say that I would insist on MC or else D, but I would probably just get really hurt and withdraw.
You have no boundary then. Having PMA is great for attraction, (entertaining monkies) but it has no chance at success when faced with someone with REAL boundaries. (lions) Remember Leo? PMA cannot be maintained when your unwilling to stand up for you own wants and needs. Boundaries are easier to implement when you have a plan. Pilots train endless so that their body does what it is supposed to when the SHTF. They have a checklist and a plan. Failing to plan, is planning to fail.
me kicking your a$$ in pool, call it my version of a pep talk. LOL. LMAO.
Really? I thought it was obvious. So I guess not only do I not know what I'm feeling, when I do, nobody else does. Great. Hap responded to your aplogy with a "HUH?" so no it wasnt obvious. I can imagine you ripping of a string of sarcastic question in irritation, now, but at the time I thought you were being sincere and just asking too, which did strike me as odd.
saying that her comments pissed you off and that you thought what she said was an unfair division of Marital labor, would have been direct and sincere.
Do you KNOW your W wants to be caught?
No I don't.
Well then, I guess between this and boundaries we have the source of our problem. You know how to recognize attraction, time to take that ability, strip off the defensive fear and, see that yes your W absolutely positively wants you to catch her.
Cobra I got your meaning. But your still a jerk. lol.
I really do appreciate the war of the pep talks. It did feel kinda strange being fought over ... "no, I'M the one giving the pep talk here!!!!" LOL
Seriously, I get what both of you were saying. On the one hand, yes I have made mistakes and that does not make me a bad person. On the other hand, I have been dealt a bad hand and tried honestly (for the most part) to make the best of it. My main problem now is indecision and not knowing where I want to go with all of it. Its kinda like I have a K K Q J 10 in my hand. Do I discard the K and go for the straight, or discard the Q J 10 or maybe just J 10 to keep my pair and perhaps go for a high two pair or three of a kind. My fear of ending up with nothing in my hand is preventing me from going for it all. KWIM?
Thanks again for all your help, both of you, over the years.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Hmmm....that's an odd response to my post. I don't think anything I said had any implication about you
Give me a break Cobra. Don't act stupid. You addressed a specific comment in My post to Chrome about using the term "mistakes." I didn't care what you personally thought about my comment but then I said to myself "huh, I wonder if Chrome interprets that as me blaming him somehow or telling him it was all a Mistake." That was NOT my intention and I stated as much. In fact my intention was exactly what you states yourself:
Quote:
What I meant by my post was to give Chrome a pep talk, a boost of confidence and to push aside his guilt
Chrome does not have to feel guilty for anything. Live and learn. It is what it is. And yes, I still would consider him a friend even though I do not talk to this friend at all. Sucks. But again, it is what it is.
Quote:
without having anything to do with you. Can you see that now?
I didn't care what you personally thought about my comment but then I said to myself "huh, I wonder if Chrome interprets that as me blaming him somehow or telling him it was all a Mistake."
I know your intentions were good, never said they weren't. I just didn't think he made a mistake. That has nothing to do with whether I think you made a mistake or not.
Chrome does not have to feel guilty for anything.
I agree. So why say he made a mistake? I still find it interesting that you are so defensive over this. I wonder whether it is your sense of guilt that I touched on?
So why say he made a mistake? I still find it interesting that you are so defensive over this. I wonder whether it is your sense of guilt that I touched on?
I think you are right Cobra. I don't think he made a mistake about That in particular. Whether he has made mistakes in his life otherwise, well, that is only for him to say. Personally, I think we all do as we go through life. No one is immune. I guess you don't feel the same. I do find it interesting that you imply that I made a mistake and not him. Actually, I will agree with you here. But I do not feel as though you touched on a sense of my guilt Cobra, more like a sense of regret. I regret losing my friend...because of MY choices. That's all.
Why do you think I believe you made a mistake? The same logic I stated about Chrome applies equally to you. When you were standing at that fork in the work, did you know where either path would lead you? Even if you could think through the consequences in a logical way, where you fully capable of doing so at the time. If you were "impaired" for whatever reason, should you be faulted? I don't think so.
In fact, I could even argue that your choice was part of what helped to save your marriage. Without experiencing where the road you chose with Chrome would lead you, you may not have known that was a path to avoid. You may have kept fantasizing about a path that you thought was attractive without knowing the dangers, and in so doing blocked out the other paths in front of you.
Now you know and you have closed that escape hatch. Now you can focus on the paths that will reconcile your marriage. What is there to regret in that? Furthermore, I bet Chrome is still your friend.
lol.