Falling slowly

[ReDesigner]

Eeeyew. Today H was supposed to show in court to respond to the proforma petition for the D agreement. I don't know whether he did. I was really busy with transferring to a new posting, running between new office and old. Sad to say, the petition was supposed to be a ploy to shock him and let him know that the D he wants is really serious business.
D (15) started her new school on the other coast this week. No word from her, except a few entries in Facebook. She's up and down. The excitement of the start of a new school, with all new stuff for the year is taking her mind off the fact her parents are far away. I miss her terribly, but I try not to press it to her in my messages. She would accuse me of "pressuring her" if I complained too much.
Meanwhile... I emailed H to tell him I was now securely employed and he could leave our house. He sounded eager to get out. Friends on the other coast told me he called. H said he's eager to get there to be with the OW soon, but didn't have a job yet. H said he might just "bite the bullet" and go anyway without a job. Hah! He still hasn't toted up the cost of his passion. I thought about him dropping any spousal support, although I'm entitled to indefinite support for the length of the marriage. Then, I thought about how there would be no more health or dental coverage if he quits his job. My D is not living with me so she wouldn't be covered. I thought about all the peripheral expenses that he takes for granted being employed and realize... he's crazier than I thought. Since when is a 55-yr old man going to have an easy time of picking up a six-figure income job from out of town? He thinks the OW makes so much, they will move all together into a big house. Right. The financial part is so scary and he seems to have absolutely no concept or concern about it.
Even the lawyers can't seem to make him understand the implications financially for now and in his retirement.
Meanwhile, I just started a great new job with superb benefits. That's why I was thinking about what he's giving up for his "passion." He shows no sign of coming to realizations.

Interestingly, last weekend, I met a man who's a friend of a woman friend. We were comparing notes on inexplicable behaviors. She asked him, from a man's point of view - what did he think my H was doing? He dead-panned -- "It's about his mother..." We both cracked up! Just before she asked him his opinion, I mentioned to her that I couldn't understand how H could deliver his beloved D to his brother with whom he's had a jealousy since I met him. He has always said his mom loved this brother most. Little did I realize how accurate I was, according to this guy. This man had been through his own tribulations, his marriage breaking up after the death of a 13-yr old son. It seemed that he'd done a ton of soul searching and had come to so truths he was willing to share. He believed my H will not shift until he "hits a wall." The girlfriend and I roared, again, saying we've been expecting him to hit bottom months ago. I remarked H had been digging himself in so deep the only wall he was going to hit was the "Great Wall of China" and then, maybe, he'd miss that too!

Now, I wait. My L says she will file a schedule. If H and his L fail to meet the schedule, I think D is imminent. H thinks he can just ignore things and let them take their course and he won't have to pay the L.

Who can tell the future, but I am feeling so much better about myself. I am seeing and feeling revolted when I think of how he abused me emotionally. I wanted so badly to find a way for us to recover. At this point, though, after having left his abuse a year ago, I have serious doubts to whether he will ever admit or redeem himself now. I've self-corrected whatever he's been complaining about me, so there are no more excuses. It's all [b][/b][i][/i]him!

H-55
Me-53
D- 15
M-23 yrs
Known - 25 yrs.
EA & A - 11/05
Separated - Aug 28/06
D -??