Donna - so sorry about this blow from your friend, but I agree, I think a true heartfelt apology will work. I can't even imagine what you could have said that would be an unforgiveable statement... really. (((Donna)))
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
(((HUGS))) its so hard on the friends. one thing I realized is I need to make a sincere effort not to talk about H every time I talk to my friends. there is more going on in my life than my marriage drama, even when it is at the forefront. it gets old for me, I can only imagine how it gets for them. make the effort with her, and eventually she will come around. do what you need to do to make up to her, she sounds like a wonderful friend. and then try to bring the drama here, or to your therapist, and leave his family/your friends out of it unless they ask...and then, keep it brief.
good luck!
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
(((Trip, Nikki, Morgan))) Morgan--I agree--the whole thing is tiring and boring to me, I can just imagine how others feel. I wear myself out. But, now that I am back at work, there is more to talk about, and more to focus on, too.
I am hopeful about my friend, but she also needs her time and space. Why is it that I can recognize and honor that need in everyone other than my H? I think I can hear OT whispering <<<enmeshment>>>....
But that is fading, as well. I am scared of the breaking away, but it is happening whether I want it to or not. Again, not something that seems to be under my control, and I will just have to trust all here and home that it is not something to be so scared of. But I am; scared, and sad, and lonely. Not all of the time, but when I get quiet, the absence is there. I will throw everything that I can into that hole (GAL, friends, books, kids, puppy, work, music, dance, art, etc.), but even IC recognizes that it is not the same, and will not completely satisfy that torn feeling.
So, things go on. It has been a Godsend to have this student teacher. She is really very good, even with her thinking that she would rather work with high school students. She taught her first self-designed lesson today and I video-taped her so she can review it this weekend. To top it off, she is just geniunely nice.
All of the people who work in this building are. I am glad to have more days here, as I think I can build better friendships and working collaborations. So, off to finish the day. Thanks, friends, for checking in,
I work with teachers, too. I am the person that they bring in to bring up test scores so I teach part time during intersessions. I love teachers because they are so generous with their ideas, they share so much of themselves. I know I am generalizing but it seems that teachers would rather share han hoard ideas. Unfortunatley, I find it is one of the worst professions to meet a man. Not that I am looking but some of my divorced colleagues have exhausted their avenues here. There is always hope. Maybe someone has a nice brother or son?
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
I am not currently looking. I wouldn't mind the boost to the PMA someone's interest in me would provide, but I couldn't follow that path right now. Thanks for the thought, though.
I do love teaching. There are things to be wary amongst us, however, as the profession at the elem level is dominated by women, who can be cliquesh and catty at times. It is all about who you know.
I feel like I am going through serious withdrawal. I can manage ok when he is not around (although it is still on my mind way too often), but I am a mess when around him, or even talking on the phone.
He told me this past week that I have no concept of what "give it TIME" means. And he is right. I seem to live a week (or more) in each day. I am trying very hard to get the focus back on me, and hope that work and GAL will help with this. I also feel like I am a different person--I was so much stronger than this, before. Secure. But I guess that was the down-side: those feelings depending on an outside source. Now, I have to find them again from within.
Does he want me to give it time so that 1) I stop bothering him and finally get out of his life and forcing him to confront the mess we are in
or
2) He needs to put some time between us so he can see the real picture and decide what he really needs to do.
He keeps saying he is done, that he doesn't know how else to tell me it, but then says to give it time.
When I said that I just need something to hold on to, some idea of hope, he said that he couldn't say that, because I would throw it in his face three weeks from now--but that I could say it.
I don't know what he means by time. Maybe your H does need to sort through his life but when a MLCer tries to sort through their life they make a bigger mess for everyone else to clean up so it is too painful to watch. Like a slow moving train wreck. I read on another site that some couples need to physically move to another state just to heal from an affair. That it is highly advisable to leave the whole affair behind to move on. My friends have just done this in order to reconcile. The wife needed to get her WS away from his unsavory transitional friends who allowed hm to whore around on the weekends. WS have to keep convincing themselves they are done. We cannot change their minds with words only actions. The more we argue the more defensive they get of their lives. Our actions must be 180s and GAL and PMA. We need to be zen about this and just agree and listen. That is really hard in our sitch because, for me, I do not know if I have entered into emotional abuse teritory or if I am in denial. How about you? You sound stronger than me as I have gone very dark with H. My goal is one email per week and I am transfering drop offs to my brother's home from now on.
It is interesting how you said time moves slowly. I feel like my life is quickly slipping away before my eyes. Part of me cannot believe my H has experienced an entirely different life away from me in this short span of time. It feels like we just had a fight a few nights ago and we haven't made up yet. But, no. He has already mapped out an entire future with a practical stranger.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
