Get me on a smoother ride........Need Advice

[SueS]

It's Friday night and I'm sitting here crying feeling like a complete ass. My H called and told me that he is going out. I was quiet. I asked what time his friend got off work & he said....6:30. I know he'll be out late. He usually is. I asked him what was on the agenda for tomorrow. He said....working out, shopping, getting a picture framed (from a concert) and then making sure my butt is sitting in front of the tv when Notre Dame comes on. I asked where he was going to get his picture framed, as the thought ran through my head that I could pick up/drop off the rings at the same time. He snapped and said....I don't know, why? I just said...I'm just asking. He then calmly said...I don't know, I'll just find a local framing place. When we were getting off the phone, I said...have fun...love ya. It was silent. I just hung up the phone. DUMMY! DUMMY! DUMMY! I feel so incredibly stupid for saying that when I knew full well that I wouldn't hear it back and how it would make me feel. The worst part is that I started crying and my D3 saw it and asked what was wrong and if I was okay.

I just laid on the bed wondering what the hell I was doing.....why do I have to feel this way.....why do any of us have to feel this way??? I'm mad as hell and I'm sad as can be all at the same time. I know I have my faults, but I did not push this man away. He started his A after things got better for us.

I seriously think sometimes that my H has a combination of depression, MLC & very low self esteem. He keeps telling me how good he looks (which he does), but at the same time telling me during intimate times that he's not 100% and that he'll do something to help that, asking me questions about his performance.

I know that I haven't gotten to the point of some others in my current sitch.......but I've unfortunately been there before. I think that's why this is scaring me so much. I don't want to be back there.

Anyone have a box of tissues???

Thanks for listening!!

SueS