There and Back, #5

[SallyM]

thanks, my3sons! I kept meaning to look up the time. he's not so tunnel visioned that he can't deal with them if/when they lose interest in the game. I do think he's a bit unrealistic about how long their interest will hold, but maybe it will hold longer since they don't see him that much anymore. and really, at their age, they are pretty good about going to the playrooms or to their rooms to play if they get bored. so I will happily take myself out of the picture...busy busy busy and all that.

I am detaching fairly well...not perfect, but I do okay as long as the status quo remains. when mini-bombs are dropped, that's where I run into problems. I do appreciate the hopeful words, they just scare me...I've been burned too many times before. and really, when I lay it out, I really don't see any reason to hope. I think he would love nothing better than to be friends with me, while having a relationship with ow, or even being on his own.

If OW had 3 little ones, well, wow, I'm not sure he could handle that one. she does have one. as for ours, H has a fantasy-driven idea of what it will be like with the kids and OW. I think he sees them as this one, big, happy family...basically just trading me for someone he really wants. She does have a son, 6 months older than our eldest. I'm not sure she realizes just what adding 3 more kids to the mix would be like. for all I know, it could be a nightmare...or worse, it could be wonderful. I have this weird feeling that I'll be usurped. I know I'll always be mom, but I have this real fear that my kids will prefer her/being with them over me. I know, it sounds crazy, its something I'm working on in therapy. but I can't quite shake it completely. I suppose in ways I have the same fantasy vision that H does about them all together...only for me, its a nightmare.