SU, I called a counselor (recommended by my former counselor) and asked her if it would be worthwhile for us to do JC when our goals are different. She said no, but that IC might be good for me. I'm going to call another couple, though my instinct is she's right. I would feel more comfortable with a third party there.
CVA: oh lord. I hadn't even thought about selling the house. If we did that, neither of us could buy anything. H did say once, when he mentioned that I hadn't said anything when he suggested building an apartment in the basement, that maybe the basement isn't the best idea. Maybe it should be an apartment down the street. That's the worst scenario I'd come up with on my own, but thanks!
Yes, I have to tell him the truth: I won't live with a man who's bringing other women to my (our) home. Maybe he'll come up with some alternate scenarios on his own.
His reasoning for wanting to date is that he's completely, 100% finished with our M, no doubts, and knows he wants a different kind of R---with someone else. I think that's one big difference between our M and other people's here: no doubts (he says), and no OP (except the woman he has a crush on who doesn't reciprocate).
And CVA, post all day if you like! I appreciate it.
Anyone else have any thoughts about how to end "and if you don't, I'll ____"?
Any thoughts about email to the OW (who's not an OW)?