hell yeah. he modeled stuff for me, like I was his mother, I guess, getting him ready for the damn prom.
he does think I am dating, even though I have never said I was. he knows I've talked to a guy he doesn't know, and that drives him a bit crazy (he doesn't believe men/women can have a platonic friendship, even though I do have some men friends that he knows/trusts). he thinks every male/female friendship is only a friendship because the woman nixes taking it further, not that a man could be interested in the woman only as a friend.
as for the father-replacement, way back in april, I painted a very vivid picture for H...about what our lives could be should we split...included stepfather for the kids in the picture (it was a freaking van eyke is was so vivid). he burst out crying, really fell apart at that. and then, half an hour later, went over to his "buddies to watch the ncaa championship." aka, ow's house. so it hit him hard, but didn't really matter.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
also something to think about, re: dating...he may just use it against you (she is doing it, too!) or he may finally release his guilt, whatever guilt he has, and it may help him move on even easier. it is a dicey game to play.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I know. I am always on line after bedtime but my D is at school and son in daycare. Itook a mental health day after TH session. TH is draining. I always feel like a bad mother afterwards. I know it should be empowering but....
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
don't feel like a bad mother...you are doing an amazing job with your kids! hold your head up and know that you are the strong, capable parent that they deserve.
and good for the mental health day.
I'll admit they just asked to watch a movie so I have the incredibles on and they all have a bowl of popcorn. silence. sweet, blessed silence. I love my friend's kids, but boy they are the spawn of satan at times. lol.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Patriots-Jets 1pm Sunday, in case you were worried. He says he wants to watch with the kids, but once they lose interest, will he be able to watch THEM?
I think you are doing really well with detaching. I know it's hard to stay on track, especially when you see some signs of change. My earlier comments were meant to give you some hope that things could get better, but I didn't want to de-rail your GAL and detachment.
This is NOT something you should ever bring up with H, but I wonder if he could imagine what life with OW would be like if SHE had 3 pre-schoolers.
thanks, my3sons! I kept meaning to look up the time. he's not so tunnel visioned that he can't deal with them if/when they lose interest in the game. I do think he's a bit unrealistic about how long their interest will hold, but maybe it will hold longer since they don't see him that much anymore. and really, at their age, they are pretty good about going to the playrooms or to their rooms to play if they get bored. so I will happily take myself out of the picture...busy busy busy and all that.
I am detaching fairly well...not perfect, but I do okay as long as the status quo remains. when mini-bombs are dropped, that's where I run into problems. I do appreciate the hopeful words, they just scare me...I've been burned too many times before. and really, when I lay it out, I really don't see any reason to hope. I think he would love nothing better than to be friends with me, while having a relationship with ow, or even being on his own.
If OW had 3 little ones, well, wow, I'm not sure he could handle that one. she does have one. as for ours, H has a fantasy-driven idea of what it will be like with the kids and OW. I think he sees them as this one, big, happy family...basically just trading me for someone he really wants. She does have a son, 6 months older than our eldest. I'm not sure she realizes just what adding 3 more kids to the mix would be like. for all I know, it could be a nightmare...or worse, it could be wonderful. I have this weird feeling that I'll be usurped. I know I'll always be mom, but I have this real fear that my kids will prefer her/being with them over me. I know, it sounds crazy, its something I'm working on in therapy. but I can't quite shake it completely. I suppose in ways I have the same fantasy vision that H does about them all together...only for me, its a nightmare.
Last edited by morgan; 09/07/0710:13 PM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
change of plans tonight. by the time my friend got back from her errands, I was too tired to invite her and the kids to stay this time (see, smart, didn't ask her ahead of time, lol). so after a quiet(er) dinner, I tucked my kids in bed and settled down for a movie. finally popped One Fine Day in. so many people recommended it to me. ugh. I'm sorry, i hated it. I am just left feeling sad and lonely. and since michelle pfeiffer is one of the most beautiful women in the world, more troll like than ever. you know the old, "I knew john kennedy, and you sir are no john kennedy" line? that was me..."you, morgan, are no michelle pfeiffer."
clooney was nice to look at, don't get me wrong, but he bugged me. so did she. and I just felt really bad for the kids all the way around. I think I expected it to be different. I knew it was about a couple who found love a second time around, I guess I wasn't expecting all the awful tension stuff that filled the rest of the movie. and honestly, I didn't really buy the whole, all in one day thing, either. I guess I thought it would be something more...real. something that developed over time. everything ended up feeling a little forced. even the music seemed more suited to the movie I originally thought it would be.
it left me in tears, and, well, lonely.
good think talk soup is on soon. gonna crawl in bed and hide under the covers and let joel make me laugh a little.
hope everyone else is off having a good night.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I totally know what you mean about being able to enjoy the moment because the bombs are quiet for the time being. And if you think about it, we are getting stronger even when we get the bombs. Yay us.
PS: Head to my thread, I posted some good reading. BARF
One Fine Day sucked IMHO. Morgan, Your kids will prefer you over even Princess Diana. No worries there. Let me tell you why I know this. My mom is a mean tyrannical gangster. Way worse and domineering than Lane's mom. She actually has had body guards and would sell her own wedding ring for the right price. My Dad remarried a nice stay at home mom nurse type who always tried to show me how to put on makeup, cook and dance. Not like my mom except that they are both Asian and the same age and beautiful, my mom is prettier of course. But it never mattered. No one can replace a mother, no one. I don't know about the dads though. I have heard on three occassions in my circle of step fathers or even moms walking daughters down the aisle at weddings.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
