One other thought… as we all know she is reacting out of her sh*t, from anger over something in her past and projecting all that onto you. No mystery there. She is hurt over something and I think she unconsciously seeks revenge. You are the unlucky target of that. I know that when I was really mad at my mom or my wife, I wanted to get even too. It was all I could focus on.
The one and only thing that could disarm me was to know that I had somehow succeeded in hurting the other person. But as you can imagine, that is a hollow victory for then the guilt then comes flooding in. What I am thinking (with the hindsight and great learning I have gained from here) is that if you simply tell that she has hurt you and how that feels, you may disarm her. But don’t do it in a condescending way, do it in an honest, detached, matter of fact manner. That might take away any motivation for her to keep attacking.
But don’t let it get to you, as I’m sure it won’t. After a while she might get her fill of vengeance and start to lay off. In the sick way her mind works, I think this is one way she will feel validated by you, a way that is not too mushy and one that she can handle. It can open up all sorts of inroads for later discussion and understanding. Just something to consider.
Oh, please.
Replace your emotional/mental "hurting/vengeance" with physical "hurting/vengeance" and let me know how well that line of reasoning is working for you ....
The idea of exposing children (or anyone) to the kind of dynamic you seem to be suggesting here literally turns my stomach.
Remaining calm and saying, "This hurts me because ...." -- fine, excellent .... two people behaving like raving lunatics is obviously not the solution either.
But letting the fire rage unabated until she runs out of fuel .... no, no, no. All other considerations aside, what kind of an example of adult behavior will *that* set?
Are you *seriously* advocating "validating" someone by allowing them to treat you with total disrespect? What kind of f*cked up message does that send?
Whoever above advocated "I will not allow you to speak to me/insult me that way" and "There is no place in our relationship for that kind of statement" is on the right track, IMHO.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
