Sounds like a great weekend. I am very proud of you for appreciating and loving your girls in such a hard time. You should be proud of yourself too. Be safe and have fun.
ERC, just dropping by to say Hi! Keep focusing on the kids, they keep us sane. You're doing great not to console W right now, it's so damn tempting to jump in and play the rescuer but you are right not to do so. She's made her bed, now she can lie in it. I know myself that I look at the life W is setting up for herself by buying me out of the home and I think "you're in for one heck of a time" but she will have to deal with her own financial hardship, not me. It's so tempting to want to help her out but it sure wouldn't be the tough love that is called for. Hang in there. Recently a friend, who has been through far worse than me, said "I just want you to remember, that no matter how bad it gets, it will get better" I pass those words through my mind daily right now. I hope this same thought will help you now too. Take care.
Thanks for dropping by. You are right that no matter how bad this gets it will get better. It is tempting to want to help my W through all of this, but she has made it clear that she does not want any help from me. Also the fact that when she does get to the point where I want to put my arm around her and comfort her she typically throws something about the divorce at me which makes it a lot easier to not want to help her. This is the bed that she has laid and she will have to lie in it. I just hope that my girls don't get dragged down into the mess that she has created.
Journaling:
I had a great weekend with my girls. Friday night, we hung out with some friends and then watched a movie on the family room floor. Both girls fell asleep before the movie ended, so I had the privilege of caring both girls up stairs into bed. Saturday, we went to the driving range and then to the fun center to play some games. Then Sunday we got up, went to church, and then headed up to Milwaukee for the night. We swam in the hotel pool and rough housed in our room. I had D2 to wound up Sunday night, so she was a handful to try to get to sleep. Yesterday, we went to the Brewers game with some of my friends. D5 loves watching baseball and D2 loves anything that D5 loves, so it was fun.
Today, some more of the same. My W called earlier and I could tell that she was in a bad mood. Our conversation was short, but then she starts chatting(IM) me about the divorce and telling me the longer this takes the more money she is going to want. I just chatted her back saying "Nice..... I will talk to my L and will let you know what she says after I talk with her about my concerns. Again I ask that you respect the fact that I am at work and not bring the divorce into my workplace". She then changed the subject to my birthday and our girls. Hopefully when I get home from work tonight she will be pleasant, but, her track record tells me otherwise.
I hope the night is going better for you. Its so great to hear how wonderful a father you are, you should take pride in that.
If she does go through with the D, I know that somewhere out there, there is someone who will appreciate you and your love for your children, your W hasen't woken up yet.
I hope she does for your sake.
Blessings to you and your little ones..
TAL
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Thanks for the kind words. My girls keep me going, they are truly a blessing from above. I will have them the next few nights which should be a good time.
Unfortunately, I cannot say that my night got any better. When I got home for work there was no one home and I had a message on the answering machine that my W and girls were out to dinner with my IL's. That was fine. So because I knew my W was in bad mood I decided to not be at the house when they got home. I made dinner for myself and went to the store to buy D5 her soccer stuff. While I was out my friend called me with an update on his sitch and I was actually going to go to his house instead of going home. Well D5 wanted me to put her to bed, so she called me and asked where I was and if I could put her to bed. I went home and put both girls to bed and I could tell that my W was not happy that they wanted me. She made a comment about having a hard time with them since I had them gone for the weekend having a good time. Not sure how me having them gone this past weekend made yesterday hard on my W but it somehow did. After I put my girls to bed that is when the fireworks started flying.
Without going into every last detail here is what occurred. My W is mad that is D is taking longer then she thinks it should. She thinks that I am dragging this out and keeping her from being able to move out of the house. She yelled and threw a glass across the kitchen. D5 witnessed about 20 seconds of my W's meltdown. My IL's, one of our pastors and an elder from my church and his W ended up at my house last night. We all agreed that there is to be no more D talk in the house and if we need to talk about the divorce it will be outside of the house with a third party. We all also said what I have been saying all along let the L's handle the D.
So my night sucked and I was not able to get any sleep. Now I feel like I have been run over by a truck and am now sitting here wondering what in the world can I do to make this easier on all of us.
Im so sorry that you are dealing with all of this.
At this point I don't know what else you can do to make it better. Just continue to be there for your girls and detach from your W. I agree, there shouldn't be any talk of a D in the house.. but you already knew that, it is really good that she heard it from someone else.. this validates your feelings about it. She's not going to argue with 3 other people.
Throwing glasses huh.. she really sounds unstable at this point. Remember she created this. In time your girls will know this. Its a shame she just can't come to her census and see what she is doing to the family.
I hope you are able distract yourself a bit and focus on your needs, its important if you are going to try and get her back. You have to feel good about yourself and work on that.
Your a great guy scott, hang in there and reach out here whenever you need to.
Blessings~
TAL
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Someone posted this on the Surviving forum and I knew you would appreciate it...
Quote:
Speaking as male, the real success stories on this board are not those marriages that are restored (roughly $5 million in coaching fees for every marriage saved--ha ha to the moderator); the real success stories are the Dads who have found a way bury their pride, put their kids first, and move forward in a way that does not hide the hurt, dysfunction, or substantial cost, but finds positive ways to show their kids what true love is all about in sacrifice, commitment, and caring for them. And when we're not with our kids, rather than wallow in sorrow, we learn to take care of ourselves and others in whatever form that takes.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Thanks again it is nice hearing that I am not crazy.
Hope,
First off, I love the name change, it suits you much better then your last screen name. Thanks for sharing the post from Surviving. He is absolutely correct that is what we as dads have to do for our kids.
I like how he put this...
Quote:
finds positive ways to show their kids what true love is all about in sacrifice, commitment, and caring for them.
Not a whole lot that I can add to this..
Journaling: Well since the blow up the other night things have been quiet. I guess it helps that my W has been working every night since then.
This is not my weekend with my girls, which stinks, so I am planning on going to my parents house to get a little reprieve from everything.
My W took my advice and went to get all her checkups taken care before losing my insurance. In doing so she had a few moles removed and biopsied. This was always my biggest health concern for her, she always loved baking in the sun. Well, three out of the four moles came back OK, but one came back not so good. So, this morning she went in again to have the Doc remove another sample from the area that returned with the bad test result. I have no idea when she finds out if it is anything serious or not, but I think it has her nervous. She called me up this morning on the way to her appointment upset. She was missing the girls and worried about what this test might show.
Today is my birthday...I am now 30 and about to be single for the first time in years. No big plans for tonight except a nice dinner with my DD's. Anytime I am with them it is enjoyable. Not much more that I can ask for on my b-day.
D5 rocks....She started soccer the other day and seems to not only enjoy it but is actually good at it(as good as a 5yr old can be). I also taught her how to tie her shoes last night. She picked it up fairly quickly and is now a shoe tying 5yr old. Since this mess started she has become a reader, learned how to ride her bike and now knows how to tie her own shows. It is fun watching her grow and learn.
This weekend is going to be a fairly uneventful weekend for me. My only plans currently are to hang out with D2 tomorrow morning, go to church, and watch the Bears play at my friends house. Hopefully I can catch up on some needed sleep this weekend while sleeping at my parents.
Sorry for the scattered thoughts. Hope everyone is doing well.
