My ride on the Roller Coaster called WAW Hell

[Steel_Box]

updating/ jounaling

Well it came out this morning. We were talking and it started to turn into an argument. I stopped and said "wait can we start this over"

The conversation went along these lines.
Me: I'm sorry that this started to turn into an argument and I don't want to attack you about anything. I am just starting to feel like I am being strung along. I know that you are working on things and I can see some of the changes that you are making. However I am beginning to lose my cheery attitude latetly because i feel like we are only working on the superficial or surface things. I see you slipping back into the way things used to be. You are traveling as much or more than you used to, It's been two months since you asked me to go to counseling with you & you haven't made any effort to make an appointment, and you are still talking to OM.
W - silent pause - I'm not talking to him like that.
ME - yes you are, or at least it seems that way. I then told her that she received a text message from a family member the other day while she was napping at my mothers house. I happened to be standing there when it went off and I picked up her phone. I apologized and then told her that when I picked it up I saw that txt from OM was next on on list. I told her that I looked. I saw that the message was about the one she sent saying "... I Do want to schedule a time that we can get together.." I apologized again for looking, but then asked is this something else, Is this so you can see him and break up / end it?
W - Yes i want to talk to him and tell him that I want to work on my marriage.
ME - OK well you haven't told ME that lately. So I don't know what you want. If I only have pieces of info then I am going to assume the worst.I also asked her did she feel that she had to see him face to face to end this? She said yes, (I don't like it but OK) So I say then uses some of your frequent flyer miles and go up there. Get this over with.

She told me that their conversations lately about each others spouses. I jokingly said " he doesn't have a spouse, his divorce was finalized on June 7th. (I decided to let a few bits of knowledge slip out to keep her guessing about how much I know) She looked at me a little perplexed and said yes that's right, but he might be getting back together with his 1st wife. I said that I thought (name) was married? Again confusion and then she replied with yeah but she is also getting divorced. W say she and OM now talk more like friends and said OM actually helped her to see a few things from my perspective. I don't know how much of this to believe but for now I will take at face value with some caution mixed in.

At this point the hostility that was there in the beginning of the convo is gone and we are just talking, so I feel that things are going well. She commented that she didn't know when the last time she saw him was. I replied that as far as I knew she had not seen him since June 15. (sort of a slip, sort of a tactical move) She looked confused and like she was trying to remember. I said "that was the weekend of father's day when you flew home from OM's state instead of Washington D.C." She again looked blank but I saw it register. I also told her that was the last time knew or tried to know.

I told her that I did understand that she is trying to work through this, and that as I told her before I want to be there for her. But, if she keeps me in the dark then all I have is what I conclude on my own and that is ALWAYS going to be worse than the reality. I also said that what happened in the past is done. I can't change it and I am past being mad and angry about it (I hope this is true, but not positive) I am just worried about the present and the future. I explained that as much as it is going to hurt, we are going to have to talk about it. It is not going to go away. I said that I want to understand it so that I can't try to make sure I don't contribute to it happening again.

She said that she felt like I was slipping back into old habits about wanting to always plan things and be with her whenever she is home. I said that I didn't think I had but I would try to work on it and evaluate myself to correct it if I was. I also lightened it up a little bit by saying that I could understand how she felt that I was always "planning things out", but seeing as how my job is a Construction Manager and Planner it was sort of a way of life for me I will try not to appear so structured though.

It seemed to be a good conversation overall. There were so positives and negatives. I do really need to see if I am backsliding some. I probably have been some, due to work and other influences I haven't had alot of GAL time. Time to restructure again.

Another thing was that I talked about how I felt better since we were able to talk and how I felt it was a good thing. I also said that I felt that it was neccesary to talk about the affair and it would probably be best with a C so that we could do it with an objective person in the room to help if we start having issues. She agreed.

Now I guess I will observe and see if anything happens