LFL, I agree that respect is critical in a M, but are you saying that you either have it or you don't? From my perspective, respect can be earned and if that's the case, then it follows that there are ways that can be done. Those are not the same for everyone, so if you don't like the example about wearing a shirt Mrs HD hates, then replace it in your mind with a different example for pete's sake. It's just an example of being yourself, which most people tend to respect. They may not like it, but they respect it.
I am NOT saying you either have respect or you don't. Do you think I respected my H when he left without a word? No. Did he earn it back and in part demand it back? Yes. Because he knew it would not work any other way. He earned it back through his actions and demanded it back by maintaining his boundaries.
As for HD's shirts, it appears to me he is wearing the shirts to get back at Mrs HD because she is annoying him. It is passive-aggressive. It does not have to do with being himself. And frankly, if I hated a shirt my H wore I would hope that he would respect my opinion. I wouldn't wear clothing my H thought was ugly. But that's me.
