why don't I listen to my own stories?

[Trixi]

My H didn't express it at the time, but later on was clearly pi$$ed that I did this. He knew I had plans, knew I broke them to be with him, and saw it as desparate, needy, and showing no backbone, "more of the same." I'd say maybe it's ok to SOMETIMES break the plans, but not always.

That is good to know. I have been following your thread and totally see our similarities.

I have just been reading "extrovert & introvert in love" and actually can see that when we are home too much (where I am perfectly happy) it truly makes him depressed and lethargic. I can also accept that I NEED to have my "down" time. Personally, I believe that he and I could come up with a compromise that worked for both. However, after being such an idiot and bringing up Retro', I will certainly NOT be bringing up how to effectively combine our two temperaments.

A mutual friend of ours is celebrating a job success this Saturday at "our" bar, so I did call and ask if he wanted to go and he seemed pleased and said 'sure'.

I saw my IC yesterday and was relaying how he was complaining about the lack of couple friends we had and she really called him out on that. (I sure wish he would have been there.) Basically, she immediately said "who did he invite over? What couples does he want to be friends with?" Of course, there was no one I could list off. And it became crystal clear that I was taking on a lot of the responsibility for something that was not totally my fault. In fact, it's hardly my fault. I was totally internalizing what he said.

So what do you do? Make yourself needy and constantly available to your H? Or make yourself strong, independent, and sometimes available if he plays his cards right??

Okay- I pick strong and independent.

I went to a class on Mastering the Law of Attraction last night. It's not what you think. Well, maybe it is. It turned out to be very much about finding peace in the moment and being "ok" with what "is". During the class, he instructed us to visualize a dream of what we want for the future, what emotions come from that?" One person said that they imagined being healthy; that it felt very "free." *I*, on the other hand, ended up crying. My dream was that H would come back and we would be happy--but I couldn't get past the feelings of longing that I have right now or the fear that he would never come back totally. Bleh!

The teacher was trying to encourage us to be comfortable with the "unknown". I have SO much growth to do in that area. In DB land, that would probably be about detaching. So very, very hard.