Well, to all...a nugget of wisdom from each of you! Much thanks! I want to touch on some of these nuggets.

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Although I am by no means a source of piecing knowledge, it seems to me that you're at the point of, "was it all worth it?"

I think you gotta prioritize. Involve your wife in that process too.

High, you are a source of many things...you may not be piecing your M but you have "pieced" yourself...that my friend is what I really need to focus on. It's funny, you piece together yourself and all of a sudden the pieces fall off. I really am at the point where I am wondering "was it all worth it?" I know it is just for the sake of the family unit at the every least but It gets awfully dusty lately. you're right in the sense of prioritize and involvement...2 aspects I need to implement in every crevice of my life...thanks HIGH!

Cat..Thanks for meandering in. You made some incredible insights. My kids...I have a son 15, a stepson 11 and another son who is 2 1/2. So I am well represented in all the troubled phases of childhood. How my home runs? IT is slightly controlled chaos. "after school special" run gamuts, drama at every corner fighting for attention. That is the best way to describe that.
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but by 9:30 both my kids are in bed and then my H and I have time to talk or do a project-things are odd now with the new developments, so we are off schedule for the time being- but you get my drift, MAKE time to do what you want to do.


This touches on a lot that centers around my world. The kids finally get into bed at 10:00pm to 10:30pm (depending on homework and crankiness of little one) I raised my oldest mostly by myself and I never had any trouble getting him into bed at 9:00pm after reading him a story. This little one is entirely different. I am a "loner" by nature. meaning I like to write songs or work on my novel by myself from time to time. This has always isolated my companions. My W lately has wanted to discuss all the home issues and I have been too wracked within my head to construct a sentence and that ALWAYS causes turmoil.
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When my son was small my H and I put for later many things with the idea that "when the kids grow up we'll do stuff for ourselves" which was part of our downfall, we didn't make us a priority.


I fell victim to this as well, later can become- maybe never unless I take action now. Part of my "Teflon" syndrome is that I lose track of any such revelations...they slip off.
Aud, As always just appreciate you slipping in. We are Comrades you know...fighting the good fight! all of us are.
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I'm sorry you're feeling so helpless (right word?).

If you don't know where to start to change your outlook, how about just noticing your ANTS? Once you recognize them for what they really are, you can decide to pick 'em up, look at 'em, then keep or toss.

Yes, Helpless is the correct word AS I threw done in Cats thread...my ANTS are FIRE ANTS. They devour and sting their way through me daily. In AA there is much discussion of these ANTS or as they refer to them RESENTMENTS. I had a fiery battle with them last night and will touch on that now.
I came home after picking up s(11) from football and my W has that all too famaliar look on her face...Anxiety and anger.
I asked her what is wrong and she said would have to wait after dinner. I don't like intrigue conversations and nothing is good when the words "will discuss later" come in.
So dinner ends and we go into our room to talk. She said that while I was gone, the oldest s talks to her about how upset he is still about EA I had. He then lies to her and tells her she was constantly over at the house. She was over 3 maybe 4 times in a 3 week period. He made it out like I would wait until he went to bed to call her or bring her over. Mind you I never talked to her from my house because I worked with her. Anyway, W was really upset over this and asked if all this is true and why I have been so angry lately has to do with "that girl" as she calls her.
I told her that NONE of my feelings has to do with "that girl" and havent talked to her at all. I also wondered when and if there will ever be a time to move forward instead of remain standing in cr@p! (you cant go anywhere if you don't move). I then explained to her that I truly detest my job, not so impressed with my sobriety and really dont appreciate my son creating stories behind my back. She of course said that it was all about her and she couldnt make me happy and that I was miserable. I told her that I was miserable but because of me and only ME. She lightened up some but I just really need to grapple with this beast for a final time. Really, nothing is ever mentioned that SHE was the one who left in the first place, SHE was the one with the initial A. I never bring it up, even though I know OM's presence still hovers in our domain. You can't choregraph anyone's thoughts and you certainly can't chain them down.
So that is my long post everyone. I really do appreciate all you guys do because it's nice to know there is a soundboard and a soft place to rest my head from time to time...peace