All hope is lost/help

[cat03]

Cat - has your H's MLC been going on for 2 yrs? - at what point to we say enough is enough? I admire you for standing by him through MLC & A's. Have you lost respect for him? You must love him so much to put up with it, have you ever considered leaving yourself?

It's been a long road, and only recently did I even played with the thought of "I can't take it anymore"
And just recently I have asked myself what I see in him. He's changed so much, he istn' at all the man I married, then again, I wasn't the woman he married during the latter part of my M, so that's when I stop judging, because I'm not blameless. No, I didnt' have an A, but I was not true to my vows and disrespected my H and pushed him away emotionally (talked down to him, nagged, treated him like a child, putting him last on my list, too tired to ML with him even as he begged me to)
I am ambivalent a bit, I know in my heart I want this to work, I'm just pretty hurt right now and taking it one day at a time. Yes, I do love him, but now I won't be the one carrying the M and expect him to pull his weight too, I won't give up as long as he is trying (he's home, going to T).

Right now your H isnt' there yet, my H had to go through a bad MLC a year ago to then realized it was all a chimera and that giving his M a second chance was worth it.

does this mean that he may still love me?

Funny thing about love, we, LBS or cheated ones, only remember the romantic love we had at the beginning of the M. The MLCer is rewriting history and, for now, he "thinks" he wasn't really in love. Love is a decision not a feeling, so in order to leave he might tell you ILYBNILWU, to give him an excuse to leave.
I'm struggling right now with that problem, my H told me he has no connection with me now (almost like saying he doesnt love me) it shattered me, but someone told me I'm being negative and that the fact that he hasn't those feelings for me now doesn't mean he wont' have them later. The things is, my H is very messed up mentally, he admits it and it devastates him that he isn't right, he wants to make things right but first he has to fix himself to them focus on us.

MLC paint the past in dark colors, all my H remembers now is my bitterness, none of the good times. So that's how your H might be feeling.

and can't speak to him for days and don't want to do his laundry or cook for him

yea, I used to "punish" my H with those same negative actions, that has to stop altogether, ok? read "the proper care and feeding of husbands" it is an eye opener.

I will wait till he suggests an evening out, I dont think he will, as he never did before

if he didnt' do it before he's sure not going to start now. YOU do it. Casually, like i'd be the same to you if he came along or not "there is a concert/show this saturday, I think it'd be fun". Half the time he might say no, you act cool...and you GO anyways--not out of revenge, but to GAL. No more mind games, no more sarcasm.