Your h hasn't forgotten you. How could he? Every time he looks at your child, he remembers the love you both shared which brought her into the world. Until he ceases the running and self-medicating w/the ow, the puppy, the spending of money, etc., he's not going to look at himself and his behavior. He's really not been at this very long--two years is a very short period of time for him, I'm sorry to say.
As for the ow, you need to stop putting so much focus on what she's doing. You are giving her the power over your thoughts, emotions and well being. She's nothing to you. Yes, in your mind, you feel that she stole your h away from you, but Keeping, remember, he knew exactly what he was doing when he walked out the door and entered into a relationship w/this woman. Both of them are at fault for what is transpiring. Find some way to release her from your mind and no, you can't ever be erased from his life. You are a part of his life just as your daughter is and will be for all eternity. You share a bond that can't be broken no matter what.
Now, about the mil betraying you. Blood is always thicker than water and you can not assume that she's a happy camper over this situation. She may be trying to keep the peace and is biting her tongue when this woman comes to visit. You also do not know what your h has told her about you and the situation, therefore, she is tolerating the situation.
Keeping, you have got to find way to step back more and detach from this situation. It's keeping you paralyzed and believe it or not, your daughter can sense your "blueness". Your h knows that you are still very much attached to the situation and he's going to do everything humanly possible to hurt you directly or in directly during this time. He wants you to feel terrible about what is going on and yes, he's making sure that your little girl has a great time w/mil, ow and himself so that she will come back and tell you about what you are missing.
When the dust settles and the bloom wears off this rose, he will be left standing there asking himself what he's done to his family. But, he's not there yet. This is all still so new to him and I'm sorry, but he's got a long ways to go. So, while he's out there blazing a trail through the forest, you will need to find some way to help yourself, i.e., pick yourself up, dust yourself off and continue moving forward. You will need to find a way to say "I don't care if there's a new puppy in the house, I don't care about all of those pies being baked and taken to mil, etc. I don't care at this point what they do, because at the end of the day, I respect myself and yes, I can hold my head up high and walk with the best of them."
Keeping, today is a new day, a new start, look to the future and know that whether he comes home or not, you and your daughter are going to be just fine.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
