This may be what he hopes you believe to make it easier on him. He doesn't acknowledge your hurt b/c it would make him feel upset and he doesn't like that.
They are soooooo self absorbed and avoid anything that may be yucky feeling! BRother!
The good thing is this: You are going through the process and feeling hurt and pain, sadness, anger and all those hard feelings. You are letting them come and working through them which will get you to the other side in a positive manner. He isn't. His life will be stuck in limbo and will be miserable. The outside may look happy and content, the inside is not. That much I can guarantee. He will never truly be happy and at peace if he doesn't work on the issues that made him walk away and go to OW.
Somehow, that brought me peace. And you know something else that brought me peace? My H had OW#1 and now OW#2 and that almost destroyed me. I was NEVER unfaithful or even close even during this separation.
What I realized one day is that when I do move on w/someone else it will be healthy and real and there will be a committment there that I never truly had w/H. That is a bond that nobody will be able to destroy. H will not have that bond w/anyone else unless he does the hard work that I've done this past year. That brought me peace. I don't need to see him suffer b/c he is slowly spinning into a puddle and is doing it w/o me doing or saying a thing.
I know it hurts. That's good b/c that means you are dealing w/the pain. It will get better.
Hugs and encouragement to you today!
Me-BS 38 X-WS 36 Separated 11/15/2006 Filed for D 8/1/2007 Divorce Final 12/21/2007 S13, S13 (twins), D9 Married 13 Yrs Together 20 Yrs
of course you feel betrayed...yes thats exactly how i felf K. Hes a long MLCer. It sux so bad. Im sorry you are down today. but it sounds like he is stuck in the tunnel for now.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Your h hasn't forgotten you. How could he? Every time he looks at your child, he remembers the love you both shared which brought her into the world. Until he ceases the running and self-medicating w/the ow, the puppy, the spending of money, etc., he's not going to look at himself and his behavior. He's really not been at this very long--two years is a very short period of time for him, I'm sorry to say.
As for the ow, you need to stop putting so much focus on what she's doing. You are giving her the power over your thoughts, emotions and well being. She's nothing to you. Yes, in your mind, you feel that she stole your h away from you, but Keeping, remember, he knew exactly what he was doing when he walked out the door and entered into a relationship w/this woman. Both of them are at fault for what is transpiring. Find some way to release her from your mind and no, you can't ever be erased from his life. You are a part of his life just as your daughter is and will be for all eternity. You share a bond that can't be broken no matter what.
Now, about the mil betraying you. Blood is always thicker than water and you can not assume that she's a happy camper over this situation. She may be trying to keep the peace and is biting her tongue when this woman comes to visit. You also do not know what your h has told her about you and the situation, therefore, she is tolerating the situation.
Keeping, you have got to find way to step back more and detach from this situation. It's keeping you paralyzed and believe it or not, your daughter can sense your "blueness". Your h knows that you are still very much attached to the situation and he's going to do everything humanly possible to hurt you directly or in directly during this time. He wants you to feel terrible about what is going on and yes, he's making sure that your little girl has a great time w/mil, ow and himself so that she will come back and tell you about what you are missing.
When the dust settles and the bloom wears off this rose, he will be left standing there asking himself what he's done to his family. But, he's not there yet. This is all still so new to him and I'm sorry, but he's got a long ways to go. So, while he's out there blazing a trail through the forest, you will need to find some way to help yourself, i.e., pick yourself up, dust yourself off and continue moving forward. You will need to find a way to say "I don't care if there's a new puppy in the house, I don't care about all of those pies being baked and taken to mil, etc. I don't care at this point what they do, because at the end of the day, I respect myself and yes, I can hold my head up high and walk with the best of them."
Keeping, today is a new day, a new start, look to the future and know that whether he comes home or not, you and your daughter are going to be just fine.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly is right...she can put things into words so much better than i can. Please do something good for you today...just for YOU....we love you K
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Thank you all. It is so nice to know I can count on you all to help me to feel better on days like this.
I know all of what you say is true, but sometimes I just need to hear it again.
The reason I say it is hard to believe he ever loved me is b/c of all the crap he does.
1. called me to tell me he had removed me from the health ins. 2 weeks prior to the call... turned out to be a lie, he never did it! What was that about? Why make up a story like this?
2. asked for my wedding rings back. Says he has them , but he is going to keep b/c he paid for them! I think he may have pawned them.
3. asked him to bring d home 1 hour later so I could stay at my friend's party. He refused. I ended up making babysitting arrangements so I could stay longer.
These are just a few things that have happened over the past month........ He has been gone 2 years and still has to be difficult about everything!
I will never understand when he is the one who chose to end our M and have affair , why does he treat me like the enemy?
Is it a "good" thing that he continues to be this way? Does it mean that he does still care? If he was truly happy then why would he be such a jerk about stuff?
Thanks sweetie! I love you too... I really have been doing well and feel so much stonger lately. I don't want you to think I sit around and cry all the time b/c I don't. I have many new friends and am very active.
I just have bad days sometimes where I miss him and the pain is still felt deep in my heart.
It was so nice to hear from you! How are you doing?
I know H will someday regret his decision. I think what still bothers me most is that H and Ow are so damn selfish and are moving on without thinking about all the pain their actions have caused.
How can H not see that Ow is a woman with no morals or values? I would never think of getting involved with a married man. I know I am a better woman than she is. THis is what gets me through the dark moments.
Just got home and there was a VM from H. It said---- "We" are just getting off the thruway to pick up the puppy." He sounded all cheerful... makes me sick. By "we" he was referring to him and Ow. Ugh
Are they just the happy little couple... soon to have their own "little family." I sure wish he didn't have to rub it in my nose that he and Ow are a couple.
I unplugged the phone. I don't want to hear his voice tonight.
I think what still bothers me most is that H and Ow are so damn selfish and are moving on without thinking about all the pain their actions have caused.
KTF - if this is what bothers you the most - ask yourself what would have to be different so that this didn't bother you.
What could they do, to show you that they are aware of all the pain their actions have caused?
What would have to happen so that you did know that they knew they'd been selfish?
I can guarantee you that they are aware of the issues that have arisen for you and D7 because they have been dealing with the fall out with D7 too - but obviously they are in self preservation, so they are not going to be going around saying 'oh aren't we crap because our relationship has created an uncertain evironment for D7'.
Just ask yourself - and tell us - what would really have to happen for you to start feeling better about all this?
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
