Corri it sounds like maybe you are emotional with things in this post. Or maybe you have just a little bit of Mrs. HD in you so you can understand more.
To a lot of us this behavior is absurd. Also to use threats about his children to hurt him is mean. I know you are a single mom right now. What would you do if a man used your very own children as a weapon against you? These are children and don't deserve this. I can imagine there is a lot of anger that comes from ex wife. Because I know I wouldn't tolerate and would speak up on issues if my children were being treated wrong.
Example I control the finances. You pissed me off today so no more college money for them. Even though I as an ATTORNEY know this is something you have to pay for or be in contempt. No more pudding for those kid's of yours. I bought that for my daughter. Those kid's of yours better stop going home and telling things about our life. She just seems to have a lot of anger towards those children. I didn't see her threaten her own daughter.