why don't I listen to my own stories?

[NikB]

Agent99.. I understand, really I do. And there's probably a balance... but can I share this?

If I plan something, then he offers to do something and I stick with my original plan, I think I will not have that great of a time.

My H didn't express it at the time, but later on was clearly pi$$ed that I did this. He knew I had plans, knew I broke them to be with him, and saw it as desparate, needy, and showing no backbone, "more of the same." I'd say maybe it's ok to SOMETIMES break the plans, but not always.

If this doesn't apply to you then ok... but you just sound sooo much like me, trying to help you avoid the same mistakes so you're better off down the line.

I need a dose of confidence. If I felt like I was Beyonce', I wouldn't hesitate to make my own plans. My "fear" is that if I become unavailable, he will start hanging out 'platonically' with women when I can't see him; and then god knows what would happen.

So first.. act as if you're Beyonce!! Ok, I realize that's not realistic, but really... act irresistable. If it helps to sing "Irreplaceable" at the top of your lungs repeatedly, go for it.

And second... I sooo get that fear. But know what? You have no idea what he's doing most of the time. He may well be screwing around with other women before he hangs out with you, and immediately after. (doesn't sound like it from what you've said, but it's possible). Yes, you know he's not with any other women when he's with you, but that's about it. You have no actual proof about the rest of the time. And, you have no control over this, all you have control of is moving forward with YOUR life.

So what do you do? Make yourself needy and constantly available to your H? Or make yourself strong, independent, and sometimes available if he plays his cards right??