Get me on a smoother ride........Need Advice

[SueS]

lwb-

Here I am......back on for about my 4th time tonight.

After I went back into the bedroom, H didn't say anything. All of a sudden.....

H: Where did you go??
Me: I was just on the computer.
H: Doing what?
Me: Just looking at a few things.
H: Looking at what?
Me: Nothing.
H: Nothing??
Me: Well, ..weather for one thing.
H: You were looking at the weather???? You were looking at weather. (with a Yeah Right tone in his voice)
Me: Yeah. Wanted to see how to dress D3 tomorrow for one thing. Me....hiding my face in my pillow with a full faced grin because I made my H wonder just what in the hell I was up to!!

Cha-Ching....I should be a freaking mind reader. So.....H did come closer.....did want sex. It was good....it always is with him. Sorry for being blunt, but that's me. Then right afterward, I felt like it was wham, bam, thank you maam. I gave H a kiss and said thank you....that was great. I try to do that. H grabbed his workout stuff, changed & left. OOOOOHHHHH YEEEAAAAHH.....it's almost 11:30. That's what time OW gets off work. Not sure if she works Thurs. nights though.

Hey lwb, Pamar & Husband- Be proud of me.....the phone was there, H was in the other room......I didn't touch it. I had ample opportunity, but I just didn't touch it. Felt GOOD!

Up and down night, but even if he is talking to OW right now, he spent that intimate time with me tonight. He even was a little more emotionally attached than he has been. Could be a fluke, I know, but I'll take it tonight and have sweet dreams with it.

Okay, once and for all...from Minnesooooota.......signing off!

SueS

[SueS]

Hi-

H was only gone working out for about an hour last night. I was suprised to see him back so quickly.

DID NOT LOOK AT THE PHONE AGAIN THIS MORNING!!! D3 got up early with me and I got her & her lunch ready before I left for work. I woke up H and asked him if he wanted me to call in just a bit to make sure he was up and moving. I called about 1/2 hr. later & woke him up......I was cheery, cheery, cheery!

Question......a good friend of mine asked me if I think H is making these comments to me to see what my reaction is.....she said not necessarily to get a rise out of me, but to see if I care and if I'm still invested in the M/R. It did make me think. He was "upset" that I didn't blow a fuse when I found the matchbook with the phone number in it. Any thoughts? Any of your S's do that?

SueS

[SallyM]

sue, I am amazed at your willpower, not confronting H about the affair. I lasted 2 days, and didn't sleep/eat, just cried my eyes out all night long for those days, so it was pretty obvious I knew. he tried to goad me into telling him I knew, but I didn't until I was ready. I would never have been able to do what you are doing. wow!

as for what your friend says, well, I don't know. trying to guess motivations are a slippery slope. I am no expert, but would say instead of that, keep showing him that you love him, that you are doing your all to make your marriage a loving place to be for both of you. it could be that he is simply trying to goad you into acknowledging that you know, and is frustrated that you won't budge.

whatever you do/don't do, good luck!

[Pamar]

SueS,

More credit for the phone. Think of it as a hunk of plastic and it will be much easier. Sometime the not knowing is the worst, but as Morgan says, you have amazing willpower.

As to the second guessing of what he wants, don't. It's all about button pushing and if you change yourself, he will change also (when he knows that that button no longer works).

Glad the sex is good. Mine also (this morning) and I take the same thoughts as you. W might be talking to OP, but I am the one being intimate.

On the subject of rings, its the only jewelery I wear, so mine is staying on as long as possible.

I'm also with Husband, some of us have been jerks in the past, but not now. I would never use my children against my W.

Keep up the good work and all of you here have a great weekend.

[Pamar]

SueS,

More credit for the phone. Think of it as a hunk of plastic and it will be much easier. Sometime the not knowing is the worst, but as Morgan says, you have amazing willpower.

As to the second guessing of what he wants, don't. It's all about button pushing and if you change yourself, he will change also (when he knows that that button no longer works).

Glad the sex is good. Mine also (this morning) and I take the same thoughts as you. W might be talking to OP, but I am the one being intimate.

On the subject of rings, its the only jewelery I wear, so mine is staying on as long as possible.

I'm also with Husband, some of us have been jerks in the past, but not now. I would never use my children against my W.

Keep up the good work and all of you here have a great weekend.

[SueS]

morgan & pamar-

Thanks! You're both a big help.

I called H just to say "Hi". He was friendly to me. He told me that he might go out after work with a guy that he worked with in his last position. He said....I don't know though....he hasn't called me back yet, so we'll see. Well, my H always finds a way to make it work when it comes to going out. I asked where they were going to go. He said....just up to a billards place by my old office. The "old office" is where OW works. My eyes started to well up. I just worry that he'll find a way to make it work so he can see her. I picture the worst.....him seeing her and not making it home until the wee hours of the morning. I just asked that he call me when he figures out what he plans on doing, as I'd called to see what he wanted to do for dinner. He said....oh yeah, I'll call you later and let you know. He also asked me to help him work on some plans for another trip with his brother. I don't worry about that, as I know for sure that the trip is with his brother. As we were getting off the phone I said.....hey wait. He said...What? I said....you know what, never mind...it can wait. I wanted to tell him I love him, but I just didn't want to push it.

I know I shouldn't overreact even before I know if he's going out for sure, but I just can't help it. It's like a shot I just didn't want to take today.

I did go out for lunch with some friends today, so that was fun.

Thanks again everyone!

Sues

[SueS]

It's Friday night and I'm sitting here crying feeling like a complete ass. My H called and told me that he is going out. I was quiet. I asked what time his friend got off work & he said....6:30. I know he'll be out late. He usually is. I asked him what was on the agenda for tomorrow. He said....working out, shopping, getting a picture framed (from a concert) and then making sure my butt is sitting in front of the tv when Notre Dame comes on. I asked where he was going to get his picture framed, as the thought ran through my head that I could pick up/drop off the rings at the same time. He snapped and said....I don't know, why? I just said...I'm just asking. He then calmly said...I don't know, I'll just find a local framing place. When we were getting off the phone, I said...have fun...love ya. It was silent. I just hung up the phone. DUMMY! DUMMY! DUMMY! I feel so incredibly stupid for saying that when I knew full well that I wouldn't hear it back and how it would make me feel. The worst part is that I started crying and my D3 saw it and asked what was wrong and if I was okay.

I just laid on the bed wondering what the hell I was doing.....why do I have to feel this way.....why do any of us have to feel this way??? I'm mad as hell and I'm sad as can be all at the same time. I know I have my faults, but I did not push this man away. He started his A after things got better for us.

I seriously think sometimes that my H has a combination of depression, MLC & very low self esteem. He keeps telling me how good he looks (which he does), but at the same time telling me during intimate times that he's not 100% and that he'll do something to help that, asking me questions about his performance.

I know that I haven't gotten to the point of some others in my current sitch.......but I've unfortunately been there before. I think that's why this is scaring me so much. I don't want to be back there.

Anyone have a box of tissues???

Thanks for listening!!

SueS