Am I piecing yet #2

[Have Faith]

TDHO

Has he said anything at all about why the sex has been nonexistent between you guys for so long? That is a long time for a man to go without sex. Or is this a physical affair?

I could go on and on about your question, so I will try to keep it short. My H has told me that until he is 100% committed, he doesn't feel that sex would be good for us. He says that he is afraid that it would just hurt me more if things didn't work out. Without going into a long explanation, I believe him. This is not out of charater for him. He doesn't want to hurt anyone and to him sex is the ultimate of intimacy. He is not in his relationship with OW for sex. It is emotional and unless we had hours to discuss his childhood, you wouldn't understand.

Also is it possible he could be going through a mid life crisis? Like maybe there could be some things bothering him.

I thought about the MLC many times. In some ways it could be, but there are too many things that don't really point to that. However you are correct there are some things that bother him. He is very goal orinated and his career is who he is. He left a job of 18 yrs with Hewitt Packard two years ago to work for himself in real estate. He did very well his first 1 1/2 yrs ranking 7th in the real estate company he was working for. Since last November the market has cooled. But he started his A when he was on his high and not on is low. I do think he questions, where am I with my life, who I am and what I have done. So MLC could be possible, only this isn't his first A. He has had other EA. Nothing like this. Just some feel good stuff. Nothing where he would consider leaving our M. I have known about the other EA's, but they were swept under the rug. I really feel this is about childhood issues.

In a way it surprises me that his woman is so much younger.

He has told me that he didn't know she was younger when he first met her. I know what she looks like, I would have to agree with him. She does look much older then her age. What really attached him, in my opinion, and because we have talked about this many time before she ever existed, is because she had no attachments. No XH and no kids. No baggage as he would say. I believe the other EA's have always had baggage.

Could he be maybe having regrets about never having children?

Before we got married, I offered to try to have children with him. He wanted nothing to do with it. He was put in a state orphanage when he was 3 and then lived with a foster family until he was 12. He has always said that he didn't think he would be a good father because he did not have a role model. I think he would be now, but heck he is almost 50. I have also repeatedly told him that OW will want kids, even if she is now saying she doesn't. He continues to say "I do not want children and I have told her that." So to answer your question, I do not believe this is a regret he has.

His Therapist says that these EA's are safety nets. Because deep down he is afraid that I will leave him, just like his parents did. His parents left him over and over and over again. They would come to see him at the foster home every two week and then leave him. He would always say "please don't leave me. Are you coming back." How sad is that. So I can understand why he needs safety nets, even though I do not condon it. The problem is this one went to far. Unlike the others.

Sorry to be so wordy. I told you it wouldn't be short. I love this man with all my heart. He is so kind and giving and should be proud of what he has done with his life given his situation. I would not be the women I am today if it were not for him. He has brought me to the Lord. This is probably the most important thing he could have done for me and I love him for it, even if we don't make it through this together.

Ok, so how I'm crying.

Faith