Corri When I put ????? after your H's name, I had mismatched in mind. I know you are very precise and are in fine detail mode most of the time.
I didn't want to get it wrong so I put in ????? instead of a words or words.
I beg your pardon, Lou, I didn't mean to nit pick at you, and I know that is how it came across. But thank you for telling me, and thank you for telling me you see me in fine detail mode most of the time. Hopefully, that will help me communicate with you better.
One reason is I don't like debating the small details all of the time. For me, most of the time some definition that is close works.
Believe it or not, neither do I. No. Really, it's true. I think I get my fix for it here... and if I spend to much time here, I carry it over to IRL. I'm working on letting go of the small stuff.
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About my opinion about your H or your M, I have some thoughts but not enough information to form an opinion you would agree with at a level above that was mostly right. I also don't want to label him or you. That is not part of my professional skills or my right.
It's okay... I don't have to agree with you, but I do understand the notion of not feeling as though I don't have enough information to offer an opinion one way or the other. I don't know that I DO that... ... but I do understand it.
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I do feel you are heading on a good path and admire many of the things you have done in the last couple of years. You are a doer with lots of drive.
Thanks, Lou. I appreciate you saying that. I also know if you thought I was getting off that path, you'd let me know, out of concern... not to debate it.
Of course that means women want to hit it and quit it then. But I am a jerk for..... I dont know....what am I a jerk for? Making her masochistic?
I don't hit on men in ice cream aisles in blatant ways or go to biker bar in tight red t-shirts etc. because I don't want to encounter the kind of behavior you exhibit. I am at least self-aware enough to know that my bunny couldn't deal with that. I have or had a certain level of denial but it didn't reach that level. The thing is when my monkey is high on dopamine, I am literally a dope or a dodo. My monkey is not a good friend to my bunny. My monkey gets behind the wheel of her little red Corvette with a tank full of dopamine and bunny is just dragged along for the ride. The dopamine runs out, the monkey falls asleep and bunny wakes up to find herself floating in a puddle of oxytocin far, far from home. Whose fault is this? Zoo Keeper Jenny. I need to make some better zoo rules for myself. Clearly.
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Rude monkey. Bunny in a chicken suit. Duh.... I guess. we will see. if this bothers him. Of course if you hide the bunny in a monkey suit, you may create a false impression and expectation....
Trust me, my relationship with NG is finis. I wish I could just stamp it HJNTIY and move on but since I belong to this damn BB, I guess that is impossible. Let's just assume that NG is an intelligent person and a nice man and if he perceived that a woman was hiding her bunny in a monkey suit he might have a good idea why that was happening. Or, we could go with the theory that my *ss isn't as hot as I think it is but actually I think that is highly unlikely given the evidence to the contrary - lol.
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Nod. Sounds reasonable. Thats actually good to hear for two reasons. 1. There is hope. 2. a.It means Im not attractive, and thus b. they are just using me as I thought from their F and Fing.
Right. To women who don't actually know you, your hardened exterior would make you unattractive as a relationship partner to any woman who was at all in touch with her bunny. The perhaps minor point I'm trying to make is that just because a woman isn't in touch with her bunny doesn't mean she doesn't have one. Just like you go around acting like you are invulnerable and don't have a puppy dog. So really I guess you are hooking up with the right women and I should just shut up.
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Possibly? haha. your funny. Yep. I sure do Understand. Tricky isnt it. Because you are not a cold- hearted heinous b*tch, are you? But your still not bringing the cow.
I tried to bring the cow and the bunny. I was chicken-sh*t but I did it anyways because I am bold if not brave. I just couldn't quite pull it off. FYI, I made him some plum tarts and I was happy when he ate 6 of them after sex and said "I am in sensual overload." So there! When's the last time you fed one of your "dates"?
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hmm. you dont make a vow to yourself. that particular vow to yourself would show a serious lack of self awareness. Desire is not a choice. I vow that I will always feel happy.... no.. doesnt work. I vow that I will not want to go home when drunk... no doesnt work. I vow that I will not drink and drive. Yep. That I can do.
I meant that I would vow to choose to verb desire rather than feel desire in the same way I would choose to verb love rather than feel love. What I mean by choosing to verb desire, I haven't quite worked out but includes stuff like communicating openly about my sexual desire, being open to his communications, working at being GGG, working at maintaining attraction physically and psychologically, working at being empathetic and responsive, generally working at sexual personal growth.
Because of the way things went wrong with Teddy, I told myself that I was going to communicate as openly and honestly as possible about sex right from the get-go with any man I dated from then on. I was brave about that at least and the results were outstanding.
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A woman wanting the man to have 'the power' is all about what she wants, and not owning her desire, in exactly the same manner that the man wants to see the woman as innocent. Its ego desire, not reality. She is not innocent. He does not have all the power. We are not equal, but we are even.
I agree with you but we can't have sex or romance as two Baby X's, can we? Okay, obviously we can but do we really want to? "Do me, do you" and then cuddle like two little bunpups might get a bit stale after a while. If I empathize with a man's desire to see me as "innocent" that doesn't mean that I have to be innocent. I can just play innocent in the same way I might play naughty school-girl. You can accept reality but still play with the components of desire. I would very much like to meet any Teddy Bear who was differentiated enough to play Wolf for me on occasion ( and then switch back to Teddy Bear afterwards - lol)
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
LOL- The thing is lately I can't figure out if I'm Emma or Anne. Probably I'm more Emma but I wish I were more Anne when all my plans go awry. So I took my dog for a walk and I was thinking that maybe if I could just let myself experience sadness more then I wouldn't be such a crybaby. My dog has a limp and a terrible home-grooming haircut so we probably looked pretty pathetic. A mentally impaired man on a bicycle and one of my neighbors tried to cheer me up but I was determined to let myself be one with my sadness. But then my daughter and her friend came home from school and distracted me and I couldn't keep it up anymore.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
[bf flicks bent daggers from achilles hide nonchalantly]
Maybe I should bring the wolf after all. I was under the impression this thread was about sexual empathy.
Let's just assume that NG is an intelligent person and a nice man and if he perceived that a woman was hiding her bunny in a monkey suit he might have a good idea why that was happening.
ah.
When's the last time you fed one of your "dates"?
we had ice cream.
I tried to bring the cow and the bunny. I was chicken-sh*t but I did it anyways because I am bold if not brave. I just couldn't quite pull it off. FYI, I made him some plum tarts and I was happy
I wasnt picking at you Mojo, or think you have to do any of that. Get what you need. In neither bold, nor brave. Im confidant. BTDT. Im reallllly tired of women telling me Im a jerk, and that I should be dealing with things like a woman does, when Im doing my damndest to DNH. I dont approach, so Im not exhibiting. welll.... I dont approach, what should I do? push them down on the floor, scream EEEEKK a girl!!! and run away?
Everything I have learned here I have tried to put to use so that DNH. Now Im responsible for the bunnies of the tiger/shark/hyena girls too. Ok. I keep saying its not my job, but I guess it is. Good to know. Thanks Mojo. I guess if Im responsible for the bunny, she shouldnt pretend to be a zoo keeper. Ive been contemplating celibacy for awhile now, since I was in Peru actually. Basically went for a month without it. The risk/reward I get from sex vs. what I could get is not worth it anymore. Hasnt been.
You know I went to the wolf, simply because, when I was monkey or stallion, they wouldnt believe my brutal honesty. But they know me better. whatever.
When's the last time you fed one of your "dates"?
Im a big fan of going to sushi for an interview after I have met her. I cook at JC's house maybe every other time I see her. According to her, she only likes me cause I manhandled her 3 pitbulls and jack russel from day one, and she likes me to go with her when she goes out. I only like her, cause she never asks me for anything, most likely because of her 'zen' personality, between that and her complete social indifferance and imperviousness, it comes of and feels accepting. her and her crazy gf's make me laugh too. I almost dropped my laptop when Karen cursed me with hell on wheels, cause that is what her gf's call her.
Dont worry about me falling 'in love' though, Im smart enough to know where it comes from. I know you will. *snort*
working at being empathetic and responsive, generally working at sexual personal growth. yeah me too.
Okay, obviously we can but do we really want to?
So. do we want -what we want -when we want it, or do we want intimacy? shrug. I know what I got.
speaking for myself, since you are still fresh.
If I empathize with a man's desire to see me as "innocent" that doesn't mean that I have to be innocent. I can just play innocent in the same way I might play naughty school-girl.
I have no desire to see her as innocent. When they come at me with the coy, fluttering eyes, I snatch em out of their innocent game so fast, they wave the white flag of surrender instantly. The ones who are I just stare at untill they shrivel up and run back to the safety of their friends.
The only reason you could play naughty school girl is if he thinks you are innocent. Other wise the dicohtomy and fantasy ceases to exist. Some women hate that game.
You can accept reality but still play with the components of desire.
So they say.
Your not a crybaby. Your a woman easily moved to tears. you feel, you emote, its over with. Nothing wrong with that.
LOL- The thing is lately I can't figure out if I'm Emma or Anne. Probably I'm more Emma but I wish I were more Anne when all my plans go awry. So I took my dog for a walk and I was thinking that maybe if I could just let myself experience sadness more then I wouldn't be such a crybaby. My dog has a limp and a terrible home-grooming haircut so we probably looked pretty pathetic. A mentally impaired man on a bicycle and one of my neighbors tried to cheer me up but I was determined to let myself be one with my sadness. But then my daughter and her friend came home from school and distracted me and I couldn't keep it up anymore.
Nothing wrong with being Emma, although I personally think you've quite a bit of Anne in you. *s* But I don't think you'd want a seafaring man, would you? That ending *is* sort of ambiguous.
You are a very cool guy. But what does cool actually mean and why is it admired? Cool is opposite of warm. Emotionally warm people get involved, cool people do not. The trait is admired because cool people are not vulnerable. To most people vulnerable = weak.
Is there really any way for any of us to uncover the vulnerable part again like we did when we were much younger? That state of blissful ignorance when you trusted another human being to treat your bunny nicely? It would take incredible bravery.
BTW I like the sound of JC - I aspire to be like her.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
Nothing wrong with being Emma, although I personally think you've quite a bit of Anne in you. *s* But I don't think you'd want a seafaring man, would you? That ending *is* sort of ambiguous.
Well, the ending isn't my favorite part of the novel. I think the most romantic scene in literature is when Captain Wentworth lifts her nephew off her back. However, even Jane Austen said that Anne was too "good" to be true.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
... but I do understand it.
we had ice cream.