Almost a WAW

[Dom R]

I've told him about the starving flower and water/sunshine and how I will wither, dry up and blow away without it instead of blooming like a beautiful rose.

oh dear. still too poetic (aka female )

If he's not doing it, then he still doesnt get it.
Or.. he just doesnt understand HOW to do it.
seriously.

I guess I just am going through this "resentment" stage b/c I have always had to be the one to show any "action" in our marriage and I'm tired. I would like to see him get off his duff and do something for a change.

I can understand this feeling. it can be very, very frustrating if you are faced with a spouse like this.
Wouldnt it be tragic, if it was a lack of understanding, rather than a lack of motivation/effort, though?

Some people truely are lazy like that. but others (particularly men) are either clueless, or forgetful.

Maybe you'd like to give your husband a "test", to figure out what his issues are in these areas.

Men are usually "left brained".. they do best with VERY SPECIFIC instructions..

So how about this: pick something that is Nice for you, Repeatable, and Explicitly describable. Then approach your husband with the following:

"Honey... I believe that you love me... but sometimes, I could use something kinda tangible, to reassure me about it. I could really use it on a regular basis. If I asked you to do something for me (every day/two/days, whatever), do you think you would do that for me?

This is really important to me.. it would mean a lot to me."

Then, if he agrees, or wants more detail first, say,

"I would really like you to:
[wash the dishes/ take out the garbage/ rub my toes/ wash my hair/ SOMETHING SPECIFIC]
every day for me. I know it sounds silly, but please trust me, that if you did this for me every day, it would make me feel more like you loved me and that I was important to you. Important enough to you every day, for you to do this for me every day.
Would you do that for me? please?"

(bat your eyes at him a bit, etc... )


Then see how he does. And see how that makes you feel about whether or nor his attitude is for you to "to do all the work".


I'm suggesting this, even though you specifically asked for compliments and assurance, because doing "compliments and assurance", for men, is really difficult !!!

It takes a lot of time, and practice, and stuff, for men to understand how to do it. (like.. years?)
But meanwhile, i'm sure you could benefit from some "right now" kind of feedback, that your husband really wants to try to do good things for you.
So i think the suggestion above, might help in that reguard.


Be prepared to remind him occasionally!!
Or, maybe "encourage" him to set up reminders for himself somehow. because what's more important to you: to test his MEMORY? or to test his willingness to "work on things" for you?


Hope this helps