S_O_T_S, I'm just teasing when I say you'll come after me. actually, I appreciate it when you challenge me/make me think. its helpful. and I really appreciate the time you have taken giving me your input...its made it into the printable/refer back to pile. I know that even though this feels like its been going on forever, I'm still a newbie, and can well imagine how exhausting the roller coaster is for those around me.
I have a long list of things I need to do today that do not in any way involve my husband, so I guess that's how I'm keeping my mind off of him and onto myself and my life...because this is my life, even if its hum-drum/ordinary/every day stuff. tonight I'm going to read 2 chapters in the book my therapist lent me, and will spend some time writing in my journal. so nothing too exciting, but it doesn't always have to be.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
lwb, instead of having someone like sots to follow me around, I wish there was a way to freaky friday with someone sometimes. how wonderful would that be?
my day was good. busy, but good. I was too sore to go to the gym this morning so got some errands done while S5 was in school, then took all 3 kids to get haircuts, then off to the mall where h's grandmother works for a quick visit (the kids don't see her much anymore). she tried to get me into a conversation about H, but I didn't bite, just was non-commital and turned the conversation on to something else. I feel bad because she is really upset about all that is going on, but nothing any of us can do about it until/if he ever wants to. she kept saying how good I look, which was nice. I think I don't look so distraught anymore, am sleeping/eating better, and working out a lot, so all of that is helping me look better than I feel.
I felt brave enough to take the kids out to a real restaurant for lunch, and I didn't cave to the rainforest pressure (wow, does that place get old). took them to cheesecake factory...nice to have something other than a burger, the kids were awesome, and I stayed strong and didn't have any cheesecake (go ahead, be impressed, lol). did a few things in the mall and let them go to a couple of stores they love to go into. by the time we got home, it was almost dinner. H called while they were eating and asked if he could come by, I said no problem, then took myself to the gym for some cardio after all. felt good...not as sore as this morning, and just cardio so not too strenuous. It was hard to get motivated...I'm really tired today. I have been most of the day, could just curl up in a ball and take a nap, so the fact that I pushed myself there was good. I felt wonderful after.
got home just as h was getting ready to put the kids to bed (he let them stay up a little late to watch some of the sox game). funny, there are some definite silver linings to living on my own with the kids. he was really irritated that the kids beds weren't made. I could care less if they are, they tear them up througout the day at this age, and as much as I'm trying to get them to stop doing that, I don't care that much so probably am not that stern about it. I just brushed it off and realized that its nice not to deal with stuff like that nightly anymore.
we never got a chance to talk...not sure if he wanted to. he started having a really bad allergy attack (seasonal, and I'm not around to remind him to take his meds...yep, I was his mother, what can I say, other than no more). so said he was just going to take off. not going to think further on this, although there is that part of me that wants to analyse it to death, the lack of chat about the weekend. nope, not gonna do it.
also not going to get to those 2 chapters....too tired. going to watch the sox for a bit then go to bed.
gee, in case anyone wanted to know about my day. lol. I guess I miss having someone to go over my day with.
big day tomorrow...going to meet the teacher/orientation at the twins preschool. yikes!
Last edited by morgan; 09/06/0712:24 AM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I know what you mean about sharing the day with someone. SIGH
You had a lovely day. And you are my inspiration, my dear. You did all that with three kids??? I can surely tackle the things I have been worried about doing by myself this weekend, right??? H has to work and our big town carnival and parade is this weekend. I am going to take them by myself now that I have read about your day. I am Mom, darnit, I can do it. lol But part of me just gets sad that H isn't doing it with us, you know?
Don't read anything into it. I bet the kids talked about their day today with H and you also went to the gym and did your thang. Plus he probably started to feel the allergy attack and just decided it wasn't time to talk.
Twins in school too? Are you going to have them all in school at the same time for a bit during the day?
Oh I have been meaning to ask you, are you still seeing your therapist, how is that going?
Morgan- I was also sooo tired today. Are our cycles syncing in this virtual pool of estrogen or is it just all the Back to School stuff? I got a great book on being a Single Mom. It is really hard work keeping a house together! It is way more than just taking out the garbage and mowing the lawn! I had to buy a drill and a lot of other stuff at Home Depot with a two year old monkey who is obsessed with machinery! He is cute.
Re: Your H. I know what you mean by realizing that there has been a silver lining to living on our own. My D6 does not cry for Daddy. I think she only feels anxiety when we go to the drop off. It is quite the opposite for us because they have let an angry man go. He was really irritable in the house and now that he is gone we are on a more normal schedule. The house is light and filled with laughter and friends. We did not have that with H home because of his hours and depression. It was as if we all had a secret life cooped up in this house before.
Stoic-Thank you for reminding us that the only sign to look for is when they actually walk through that door and say they want to reconcile. All other rays seem pointless to me and I have had very few. Everything else has just been caretaking and pity on my part. Maybe a twinge of guilt thrown in. Never any real signs of a possible reconciliation at all.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
lwb, you will be fine. I remember being really nervous back in june when I took the kids to some place big on my own (science museum in boston, on a saturday no less). but it worked out really well. my kids are really good, generally speaking, and know mommy has rules about staying together and such. they know we always hold hands in parking lots, or if it gets really crowded and the like. it can be hard, especially at first, going where there are a lot of happy families together. you might consider asking a friend is she and her kids want to go with you, sometimes that is nice. but I'm starting to really love the adventures the kids and I have together. its gets not only easier, but better.
the twins will be in school 2.5 hours/2x a week, so 2 days I'll have a little time to myself. one day will be my therapy. yes, I am continuing with it, I love my therapist and am making huge strides I think. I know I would still be a wreck without her. she keeps me focused on myself, and even on weeks that I have huge drama with H, I bring it in and we deal with it a bit, but she always brings the focus back on me and it ends up being nothing about H. love how she can do that...as you can tell, I easily dwell on H/H and I.
mk, you sound sad...or are you just tired? I'm still tired this morning, not a lot of sleep last night (D3 kept getting up for some reason). about your silver lining, its nice, isn't it, not having to deal with h's issues. H is normally a very fun father, was a really fun/wonderful husband, but things also set him off that make me think he's nuts sometimes. from happy to snapped in 5 seconds over such stupid little things. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I get frustrated, but I also know enough to walk away for a minute if I am, count to ten, cool down, whatever, instead of taking it out on the kids. so its nice to not have that in my everyday life. of course, I also don't have the fun of him, either, and that's what sucks for me, and for them.
glad you found a good book. I'm so tired of self-help ones (I have so many at this point, several going at once) that one of my favorite single mom inspirations is to watch Gilmore Girls. I know it sounds cheesy, but its a lot of fun and even if its fiction, I find it makes me feel like I can do anything/be anyone/make it as a single mom. and it makes me smile and laugh, which is always a good thing.
well, off to get the munchkins ready for school. my S3 is nervous as a cat about it, telling me he doesn't want to go. uh-oh. wish me luck!
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I love the mom in Gilmore Girls too. She is always upbeat and attractive no matter what life sends her and she has a great support system. I know this sounds bitter but I sometimes fantasize about raising the kids on my own whilst my H is away in another state dealing with growing up like Christopher.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
ya know, the christopher comparison isn't far off, is it? except that mine has been able to provide for us, so that is one thing. but a lot of the childish/teen behavior is there.
I just wish I lived in stars hollow. I'm in new england, close enough, but boy how nice to have such a small, interesting community....and there always seem to be attractive men just around the corner. lol.
just back from the twins preschool orientation. went okay...S3 was clingy at first, finally started playing toward the end. wanted nothing to do with his teachers. D3 was better...did the circle time, played with/near her teachers some. we'll see how tuesday goes when they are all on their own.
its freezing here today...think I'm going to go ahead and make cookies with them instead of holding off till tuesday for the first official school day. figure its close enough, and it just feels like baking weather.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I bet the orientation helps S3 have a good day next Tuesday. Poor guy being nervous. I hope they both had a good time. Are they in the same class?
Thanks for the support. I am going to do what I want this weekend. And I want to take them to the parade and carnival.
Your therapist sounds wonderful. I am so glad you have her. I remember that one time you had to pull over to a rest stop (sorry to bring up a painful time) and she called you right back. She is wonderful.
