I wish you well with the C situation. Must be a tense time, even more than "normal." I hope you and your W can get on the road to recovery, no matter how long that road is.
How did you find a solutions based MC? I like Michele's approach. I've delved deep into childhood issues, really for the first time in my life. That's been good, and hard, but in the end what has to happen for a new marriage is that we have to behave differently toward one another.
Yes, Mile High, the sense that a new relationship will be better based on the work I (and you) are doing does lift my spirits. I'm still standing for my M, but I'm not naive. It may be over, and I must make my changes for myself and go from there wherever that may be. I now live like a monk in this apartment, but I don't mind for now. I'm in pain over what is happening to my W and to us, but I also feel like I'm gaining my soul at last. No more denial or auto pilot through life. The lights are coming on.
IMP: well said. I couldn't agree more! Tonight's the draft!!! I like Rudi Johnson too. A backfield of Henry and Johnson would be just fine by me!!!
Good luck. Let me know how you do.. And you guys better get it done quickly, Saints-Colts tonight!
Keep an eye on Lee Evans. I got him in the 4th round of a 16 team league. Marshawn Lynch could be a good pick too for depth. After 20 RB are picked, the remaining starting RBs should hang around a bit.
Can I tell you what I really like about your post to mile_high, it was this:
Quote:
I've delved deep into childhood issues, really for the first time in my life. That's been good, and hard, but in the end what has to happen for a new marriage is that we have to behave differently toward one another.
You recognize what you have to do. You also recognize that it can't be the same ole, same ole. And in earlier posts, you recognized that you control you. Change yourself, change youe life.
A good book I read was "Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting" by Lynn Grabhorn. The basic premise is that you attract what you give off.
Draft is in two hours due to logistical complications with a league member who has to call in from Vegas. We'll keep the TV off while drafting.
Thanks for the book tip. It sounds weird, but I am so wrapped up into reading and journaling and therapy right now. I have done other new things to GAL and they feel great, but in some ways GAL is tied to the process of self-discovery I feel I am finally on. I may loose my marriage but gain my soul!
I want a new marriage, but I am more and more focused on myself--what do I need to do to be the best person I can be? I really feel that. If WAW and I reconcile and build a new marriage, great. I want to be in a committed, real marriage. I'm not going to rewrite history and say I hated everything about the old one, but the more I read and reflect, the more I see the problems. I still believe WAW, at least as I think I know her, can be good for me and I for her, but I'm increasingly prepared to grasp that I don't know her now in many ways. And I know she doesn't know me. We will have to get to know one another all over again if there's any hope. If not, we move on. I hate to come across as glib; it would hurt badly to lose a 17 year relationship with a woman I love. I am not eager to go test the waters on the dating pool; everyone has their issues.
At the same time, I'm not going back for the sake of going back. There needs to be some serious work from both of us if there's to be a new marriage.
Good luck to your team in the new season. It's nice to have football back!
You already touched on and shared great issues with many great folks here before I saw your thread. Can't add much to the volume of books you already covered. The Mars Venus series is often one of the first easy reads that come up when we start asking what did I do wrong? Starts with the fact that we don't know what our dads didn't teach us about communicating in a M. Then we are told how the other species communicate. Sort of a recipe for the Too Little Too Late caserole most of us have been served.
But on your comment about getting out to do some kind of volunteer work. Consider serving hungry at a shelter through a church or other organization. Helps you count your blessings. Another option is Habitat housing projects. Will let you know what I think about that later, going to orientation to start a project Saturday. And I look forward to other ideas from you or other posters. There are seven days in a week and with yoga, I still got some openings.
Hang in there buddy, keep posting, and enjoy the game.
Thanks for the pick me up. I needed it given my wondering about OM. I just finished my fantasy football draft, which was a blast.
The just not knowing stuff is so hard to deal with, but so true. If we don't have good role models, we can be in for some real trouble later in life. I don't blame everything on my father, but as I've thought about a lot of things this summer my parents' troubled marriage is one that I keep coming back to. I just didn't see a real loving relationship between two adults growing up, and then my mother passed away when I was 14. Dad remarried, but that relationship looks in some ways like a repeat of his marriage to my mother. Finally, though, the lights are coming on and that feels great, no matter what happens to WAW and I.
I'm off tomorrow for a three day retreat on love and intimacy. Never done anything like this before, but that's been a common theme these last three months and it's led me to some surprisingly good places despite the pain caused by WAW. I'm doing this for me, another step on the journey of self-discovery. Take care.
... we don't know what our dads didn't teach us about communicating in a M. Then we are told how the other species communicate. Sort of a recipe for the Too Little Too Late caserole most of us have been served.
this is so true! where were those books before or after we got married? how come nobody, not a single one recommended some of these when we went to college or got married?
Bruce, looks like you are on a roll, man. let us know how enjoy the retreat. its awesome to indulge in self discovery, isn't it?
Me 41, ring on W 36, ring off married 13 yrs Separated D9, D5 bomb May, 07 My sitch
how come nobody, not a single one recommended some of these when we went to college or got married?
I think I need to answer myself here. we were not ready for these books and someone's recommendation would have fallen flat anyways. the sitch makes us ready and open our souls up for self realization. yup, time has to be right when you decide when you need to move forward with your life, not a second before that.
Me 41, ring on W 36, ring off married 13 yrs Separated D9, D5 bomb May, 07 My sitch
